50 years with the same person....blows my mind!

Because of you

Because of you, Mom and Dad, the world is a better place.

Because of your enduring love, there is hope for others who wonder if such a thing exists.

Because of the selfless example you have set, there are ten foster children I have nurtured in time of trial who have known love.

Because you showed me unconditional love, I have been blessed with the ability to show unconditional love to those who hurt me and to those that the world has deemed “unlovable”.

Because you showed me unconditional love, I was able to learn to love myself.  When I weighed 450 pounds, you loved me.  When I ran away from home, you loved me.  When I hurt you, you loved me.  When I turned away from you, you loved me.  And when I finally turned toward home, you welcomed me with open arms no matter what I had done.

Because of the presence of the Lord in my childhood home, my faith in Him has given me a Rock to cling to when all seemed lost.  When others poor choices blow my life apart, His strength and care has been ever-present.  When the days seemed darkest, I have been able to point my children and others to Him and say “Look what God has done!” 

Because of you, countless hungry in our County have been fed because of an old trailer you gave to me that has now transported several tons of food to food banks in our area.

Because of you, an old fifth wheel in my back yard has housed ten people who had nowhere else to go.

50 babies have been born into my hands.  I have been told that the mother chose me to attend her because I have “strong confident hands” and a confident spirit even when I was scared out of my mind.  You raised me to believe that I could do it…no matter what “it” was…as long as I worked hard and relied on God to guide my steps.

As an EMT, I have performed CPR dozens of times.  Sometimes, it has been a success.  Often, it was an exercise in futility.  But in those times of seeming futility, God has used me to minister to the broken hearts left behind.  I have held them and prayed with them.  I have held terrified, broken, bleeding hands and stood by them in the worst moments of their lives.  I have “mothered” them from the example you set of how a parent should be.  And several have returned to tell me how much it meant to them that someone cared…not just “treated” them as a patient, but stood by them and hugged them and held them together when they felt like the world was falling apart.  I have this ability – Because of you.

Because of you, people have come to Christ.  The ripple effect from your example has gone far and wide.  My voice as I sing praises of love for my King of kings has brought people to tears before Him – NOT of my own works but because of the passion you instilled in me as a child.  Because of that summer at Youth Camp when I surrendered my heart to Him, I have led my children to Him….and they have led friends to Him.  We have spread the good news of the Gospel to the homeless, to children at vacation bible school, to the elderly in our community and to strangers on the street.

Because of the selflessness of the way you raised us, I am able to raise my children to serve.  Christmas traditions I so enjoyed as a child carry on to my children.  Family dinners are such a dear, sweet memory that I strive to make ours just as precious.  I cherish the memories of cedar boughs, red bows on a tree fresh from the mountain seated in a 5 gallon bucket and the reading of the Christmas Story from God’s Word as much as I honor you by delivering food boxes to the need, inviting lonely friends to our holiday table or purchasing a gift for a tag from a “giving tree”.

Because of you, I can sew a dress and cook a meal for 10 people as easily as I can catch a fish, milk a goat or shoot a 303 British.  Just because I am a “girl” does not mean I am inferior.  As a single parent, I have changed light fixtures, assembled train sets and bicycles and repaired broken plumbing because I was brought up to believe that “girls” can do that stuff,  too.  As a truck driver, police dispatcher, dinner cook, farmhand, midwife, EMT, firefighter, foster parent, school lunch lady and secretary in each season of my life, you have always loved me and supported me even when I fail.

You raised me to do what is right, no matter how tough it is.

Because of you, there are four grandchildren who love to learn.  Nature walks with Just-Plain-Grandpa and baking cookies with Just-Plain-Grandma have given them a sense of family that so many others lack.  The things you have taught me, I have been able to pass on to them.  I am honored and blessed that you have entrusted me with the wisdom of how to gut a fish, how to bake a cake, how to sew a quilt and what sour grass looks like so that I can see the wonder in my children’s eyes when I say “I learned this from your grandparent! Now you know how to do it, too!”

Whenever I mention your names, people from all walks of life testify to how you have touched them.  I am blessed beyond measure to be covered in your legacy of love.  #1, #2, #3, #4 and I are so grateful that you are the foundation of our lives. 

Thank you so much for hanging in through the years when you didn’t know where your next meal was coming from, through the years when you had to be separated in order to provide for us. 

Thank you for wearing worn out clothes, resoling the same moccasins with Shoe-Goo for ten years in a row and taking in 6 people when our family already numbered six and there was only ONE bathroom.

Thank you for being my strength when my family was destroyed, when my best friend died, when my child was in the Neonatal ICU and when my dreams were crushed. 

Thank you for being there for my children’s births, for the saltwater and diesel in my blood, for the pride I have in being your child and for the abiding love of Christ in my heart.

Because of you, the world is a better place.

FINAL SOMF post - wk 9

This week, Heather says, "I am asking you to consider all the previous weeks. You don’t have to write out every part of this, I just want you to consider."

Well, I tend to have problems concentrating sometimes and besides, I want to go back some day and read this all over. I probably should back it up all onto a disc or something serious like that. **note to self - Start saving for a CD Burner! I really would hate to lose all this writing, notes, links to friends.

What was a surprise? What wasn’t? One of the biggest surprises for me was actually finishing this study. I have a hard time doing that in real life. My Spiritual Gifts weren't that much of a surprise because I had taken tests before.
What have you learned about yourself? It was hard for me to admit that I have control issues; I need to be in control and have a hard time relinquishing that to anyone...including God.
What have you learned about God? I have learned that God can speak to you in so many amazing different ways. Through a child's voice, as you study and pray, from a Blogger Buddy's insights...
What have you learned about your relationship with Him? That He is just WAITING to talk to me! Even something as simple as my taking time for Him...even just a minute and He'll snatch up that opportunity to let me know that He is near.
What have you learned about your relationship to His church? To unbelievers? In researching my gifts and talents, I discovered that I actually now look FORWARD to being able to help in my fields of strength. There was a point in time that I was "burned out"; my small church has alot of elderly people and about 5 couples who were doing the majority of the work. To my shame, I got tired of it. Let someone else take a turn, I've had enough. Forgive me, Father, for that attitude. Being "tired" of serving the Lord, serving His people, serving unbelievers...how sad is that? and how childish?
Look back at your previous weeks, now can you see the big picture? What is the Lord showing you about your part in His plan? I think that following through with the entire "Shape Of My Faith" study has definitely helped bring together the scattered strings and tie them all together. It has also given me the courage to speak out and step forward in areas of my life where I had been hanging back in fear and indecision.
Do you have a better sense of what He wants you to do? YES!
Finally, how have you grown through this “study”? I have taken small "Spiritual Gifts" surveys before and morning seminars, but following through with this study has really helped me to wrap it all up and see how the different parts and experiences of my life have prepared me for my future service to Christ. It's kind of silly, but I can't remember the last time I actually "completed" a study...I always start them and then never finish. It felt good to know that I was faithful to the end and that God was waiting there each time I opened up my heart to write a week's post.

Thank you, Heather, for taking the time to post this. I know it must have been a struggle to find the time to do all that typing and design everything. But you did a wonderful job. It was a blessing to me and I know from the comments left on the site that it was a blessing to many others as well.

Bless yer heart! It's Hospitality by a nose.

Good Evening, Ya'll! In this, the 8th week of the Shape Of My Faith study, Heather explains Spiritual Gifts like this:
"When you became a Christian you were gifted with a spiritual gift or two. If you have been obedient to Christ in those things then you may have gained a spiritual gift or two. As we grow in Christ and use what He has given to us He often adds to our gifts. If we don’t use them they will be taken from us.
Now the question, what are your spiritual gifts? Are you using them? Has He called you to use them? Are you obeying?"

I actually was a little naughty (Who, ME?) and jumped ahead back about week 3 and did this Gifts Survey. It wasn't entirely a surprise because I have done one or two of these before.
BUT, I was happy to see that Faith jumped up much higher on my list because of the lessons I have learned in the last couple of years due to challenges in my life.
AND, Even though Hospitality is listed as one of my gifts, I must confess that I am not always "Hospitable" with a right heart.

Like the Southern Belles who say "Oh, bless yer heart!"

Which, here in the north, means "I can NOT say in mixed company what I REALLY think of what you just said/did!"

Yah, and the part about having visitors over and not caring if my house is "spotless"? I've had to learn that one. I used to get SO uptight if I knew someone was coming over! Gotta clean! Must CLEAN!

Now I'm MUCH more laid-back. Having four kids is a major reality check. My favorite saying hangs in my kitchen -

"Cleaning your house while your kids are growing is like shoveling snow while it's still snowing!"

ANYWAY, if you want to read about my Spiritual Gifts...come on in, sit a spell (just shove that laundry over there to the other end of the couch). Can I getcha some coffee? Oh, and watch out for the Legos in the carpet. They really hurt when you step on them barefoot.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Spiritual Gift Score Spiritual Gift Score

1. Administration - 8..................14. Knowledge - 3
2. Apostle - 2...............................15. Leadership - 4
3. Discerning of Spirits - 6.........16. Mercy - 13
4. Evangelism - 4........................17. Miracles - 1
5. Ekballism - 2...........................18. Missionary -0
6. Exhortation - 5.......................19. Prophecy - 1
7. Faith - 16.........................20. Service - 15
8. Giving - 14.......................21. Shepherd - 4
9. Healing - 3...............................22. Teaching - 2
10. Helps - 14......................23. Tongues - 0
11. Hospitality - 19.............24. Voluntary Poverty - 14
12. Intercession - 8....................25. Wisdom - 6
13. Interpretation of Tongues - 0


Hospitality: "The special ability that God gives to certain members of the Body of Christ to provide an open house and a warm welcome to those in need of food and lodging."
This gift is a practical gift. Those with this gift have an acute awareness of visitors and have a desire to make all people feel welcome. People with this gift enjoy visitors in their home, and are usually not bothered if someone stops by and their home is not spotless. Those with this gift are a key to helping new people become a part of the group.
Scriptures: Acts 16:14-15; Romans 12:9-13; 16:23; Hebrews 13:1-2; 1 Peter 4:9.

Faith: "The special ability that God gives certain members of the Body of Christ to discern with extraordinary confidence the will and purposes of God for His work."
This gift is a practical gift. Those with this gift often scare other people with their confidence. People with this gift are often very irritated by criticism, as they consider it to be criticism against God and His will. Probably the biggest danger for those with this gift is that they often try to project their gift onto other people.
Scriptures: Acts 11:22-24; 27:21-25; Romans 4:18-21; 1 Corinthians 12:9; Hebrews 11.

Service: "The special ability that God gives to certain members of the Body of Christ to identify the unmet needs involved in a task related to God’s work, and to make use of available resources to meet those needs and help accomplish the desired results."
This gift is a practical gift. Those with the gift of service enjoy doing routine tasks around the church regardless of how they effect others. Those with this gift enjoy menial tasks and do them cheerfully. Service-oriented people would rather take orders than give them.
Scripture: John 12:26; Acts 6:1-7; Romans 12:6-7; Galatians 6:2, 9-10; 2 Timothy 1:16-18; Titus 3:14.
**Note: The gifts of Helps, Mercy, and Service are often confused. Helps focuses on Christian works and freeing others to accomplish their God-given ministries. Mercy focuses on people in distress and reflects God’s love and compassion. Service focuses on accomplishing little tasks that may otherwise go undone in order to move the greater goal of the ministry or church toward completion.

Giving: "The special ability that God gives to certain members of the Body of Christ to contribute their material resources to the work of the Lord with liberality and cheerfulness."
This gift is a practical gift. While all Christians should practice the discipline of giving through the minimum of 10% (tithe), God gifts certain members of the body to give remarkably greater amounts of their income with liberality and great joy. These people have an acute awareness that all they have belongs to the Lord and they are merely stewards, therefore they know that God will supply their needs and richly bless them in their giving.
Scriptures: Matthew 6:2-4; Mark 12:41-44; Romans 12:8; 1 Corinthians 13:3; 2 Corinthians 8:1-7; 9:2-8; Philippians 4:14-19.
**Note: This gift is often associated with the gift of voluntary poverty, as many with the gift of voluntary poverty also have the gift of giving. However, not all with the gift of giving also have the gift of voluntary poverty. See notes on voluntary poverty for more information.

Voluntary Poverty: "The special ability that God gives to certain members of the Body of Christ to renounce material comfort and luxury and adopt a personal lifestyle equivalent to those living at the poverty level in a given society in order to serve God more effectively."
This gift is a practical gift. Those with the spiritual gift of voluntary poverty will often choose to live among people who are considered poverty-stricken in a given area, and live at their level, although they have the means to live at a higher standard. Th primary motivation for this choice is to minister more effectively to the people through identification.
Scriptures: Acts 2:44-45; 4:34-27; 1 Corinthians 13:1-3; 2 Corinthians 8:9.
**Note: This gift is often associated with the gift of giving, however, notice that the motivation for this gift is for effective ministry through identification with a group of less-fortunate people, where those with the gift if giving are motivated by what their money can do towards God’s work.

Helps: The special ability that God gives to certain members of the Body of Christ to invest the talents they have in the life and ministry of other members of the Body, thus enabling those others to increase the effectiveness of their own spiritual gifts.
This gift is a practical gift. People with this gift often enjoy doing routine tasks in order to free others to do the ministry God has called them to do. People with this gift are often not looking for recognition for the work they do.
Scriptures: Mark 15:40-41; Luke 8:2-3; Acts 9:36; Romans 16:1-2; 1 Corinthians 12:28; 2 Timothy 1:16-18.
**See Note under Service.

Mercy: "The special ability that God gives to certain members of the Body of Christ to feel genuine empathy and compassion for individuals (both Christian and non-Christian) who suffer from distressing physical, mental, or emotional problems, and to translate that compassion into cheerfully done deeds which reflect Christ’s love and alleviate the suffering."
This gift is a practical gift. Those with this gift find themselves visiting and assisting those in need, and often feel the pain of the person they are helping within themself. People with this gift find it extremely difficult not to help those who seem less fortunate than themself. Those with this gift generally enjoy helping those with physical or mental problems and do well in ministries involving visiting hospitals, nursing homes, prisons, and shut-ins.
Scriptures: Matthew 20:29-34; 25:24-40; Mark 9:41; Luke 10:33-35; Acts 11:28-30; 16:33-34; Romans 12:8; Jude 22-23.
** See Note under Service.

Not Coincidence - "God-incidence"

“God has carefully and graciously allowed some of my fears to come true so that I would discover that I would not disintegrate. God taught me to survive on his unfailing love.

It wasn’t fun but it was transforming”

From Breaking Free by Beth Moore.

I must confess that I found this quote on another bloggers' page (Thanks, Dusty Frame). I haven't read the book...but you can bet I'm gonna! Sounds like it's right up my alley!
"It wasn't fun, but it was transforming". Yah! Exactly!

The assignment for week 7 of The Shape Of My Faith was to tell about a time when you saw God's fingerprint on your life. The great news is...that I've had so many of them, it's hard to know where to start!
So many "God-incidences"; so many times I've looked back and said "Wow, He sure knew what He was doing!"
So many times He has prepared me for what was to come and I couldn't see it at the time.
So many times I have come before Him and said "I don't know what to do! I'm going down! Help me!" Then one hour, three hours, next morning...There it is, just what I need, wrapped in His Glory and leaving me saying "Oh, Wow!"
Going through the rough stuff isn't fun! But looking back - it was worth the lesson to prepare me for what lay ahead.

The Fingerprint of God I wanted to share today was about the birth of my second child.
I cried and begged God for this child. We'd been waiting for almost four years. "And if it wouldn't be too much trouble, Father, could you make it a girl?"

Next month, I got two pink lines. And the fun began.

Hubby lost his job. Got a new one two weeks later...at $3 an hour more AND FULL PAID HEALTH INSURANCE. WOooHooo.
Went into labor three weeks early. So baby was breech. Which saved her life.
We discovered at 9 cm dilated (almost Done!) that there were two little feet on the way out. AND that baby's heart rate was 280. Normal is 130 - 160 so YAH! We were a little spooked.
Had an emergency C-section where the anesthesiologist told me HE was scared and I started reciting the Lord's Prayer over and over because I was so terrified.
When I woke up, the recovery nurse said "You have a GIRL!" I smiled and said "Say that again!"
When I saw her, she looked like a grey cantaloupe with a baby attached to one side. Because of her heart problem, she had a pound of fluid accumulated in her abdomen. (scientific term - ascites). We spent a month in Neonatal ICU.
If she had been coming head first, the doctor on call at the hospital would have tried to go ahead and deliver her. Her swollen little tummy would not have made it through. She would have been seriously injured or killed. I praise God every day for that nightmarish C-section. It was one of the worst things I have ever experienced...yet it saved my baby girl's life.
I totally give Him the Glory for her. If it were not for His Hand, she would not be here.

Some of the experiences this precious girl has had to endure in this lifetime have been beyond what I have the capacity to comprehend. Everyone marvels at her spirit and she has a special way about her that hurting people are drawn to. Her best friend (at age 8) has diabetes. One friend is deaf. One friend wears one hearing aid. Another close friend of hers from school has just been diagnosed with cancer. And there is more...things too painful to talk about.

What a blessing she is!

All I can do is bow my head and wonder what kind of awesome, special purpose God has for this child. And how humbled I am that He has chosen me to be her parent.
ME...the one who regularly needs to relinquish her mommy license.

Oooo Wow.

Bigtime.

Shape of My Faith wk 6 - Style

This weeks faith shape overlaps with all the others so far. What is your style?

How do you tend to go about things and how does that affect how you obey God? I tend to go about things by myself. It is hard for me to "delegate authority" or ask for help when I have a big project to accomplish. Unfortunately, that includes God. "Oh yes, I can handle this. I'll just do this and this and this and everything will be fine if this happens." I usually don't factor God into my decisions. Very BAD idea.

Are you a go-getter or laid back? Depends on the subject matter, really. If it's something I'm supposed to get done that doesn't have a deadline, I'm so laid back that LIGHT years will pass before I complete the task. No matter how guilty I feel that I SHOULD be getting it done. What's up with that?

If, on the other hand, I have a deadline or some one's health/welfare are at stake, I'm a go-getter. I will usually finish a project hours before the deadline. Doctor's office receptionists have been known to shudder when I walk in the door. I will HOUND the doctor until I get help or he admits he doesn't know what's going on. THEN I'll move on to the next doctor. I can advocate for health care issues like nobodies business. But I never balance my checkbook or get that stuff listed on EBay. Isn't that weird?

Do you keep it simple or do you go all out? I'm definitely a K.I.S.S. person. I have tried throwing in "extras" and it never turns out well. So I've learned my lesson on that one. Make a simple plan and stick to it for best results. There is ALWAYS the last minute forgotten detail or the dish that didn't get done in time. So a little bit of flexibility and ingenuity are important.

When I cater dinners at church (usually only 50 to 100 people) I've found that you can make simple stuff LOOK really fancy. Main dish Chicken Parmesan done for a Valentine's dinner was frozen breaded chicken breasts from the local Grocery outlet with spaghetti sauce and some Parmesan cheese. I had about 20 requests for the recipe!

If you come to my house (and I know you're coming!) the bathrooms will be clean and the floor will be vacuumed. But you may see some coloring pages scattered on the table and there may be a dish in the sink. I figure you didn't come to see my house, you came to see us. (Usually...Ummm, there ARE exceptions to this one - sometimes I let myself get carried away. See yesterday's post)

Do you finish what you start or leave it for someone else? I always finish what I start, even if it takes YEARS to do it. I have a hard time letting (trusting?) anyone else to finish my task. If I have to leave (e.g. when cooking dinner for several people) it takes me so long to give detailed instructions that I might just as well have stayed by the time I write them all down.

Definite character flaw, I think. I HAVE to finish it myself, even if it takes forever. Sounds like arrogance, doesn't it? As in "no one else will do it right"?

OUCH.

Do you like the best laid plans or prefer to wing-it? Best laid plans, for sure. I even plan for every possible contingency. I have been know to send some people to the Local Home For the Bewildered because I took SOOOOO much time planning everything 5 different ways.

OOoops. Another character flaw surfaces. I must be in control. Being out of control makes me VERY uncomfortable. Asking me to relinquish control is like asking a river to stop flowing.

Just ask MG. I ordered his Straight Jacket from JCPenney last week. LOL

Do you like to be different, to stand out in the crowd? I think I might. Is that bad?

Do you prefer to go about unseen, be like everyone else? I like to remain unseen if I am "playing Santa", donating something, delivering flowers to a sick friend, spreading joy, buying groceries for a single mom who needs them BADLY. I have been known to lie (forgive me Father) and say that I am just the messenger and I don't know WHO the gift might have come from.

Do you prefer the unusual or the normal, the intellectual or action? OK, hold on to your seat. This might get a little long.

I prefer the UNUSUAL in the long-range scope of my life. I want to do and be things that most people (or women) won't do.

I prefer the NORMAL in my daily life. I like routine, to know what to expect. Security and stability.

I prefer the INTELLECTUAL when it comes to planning my projects out as closely as I can get to perfect.

But then when it comes time for ACTION, let's Git'erDONE. Gather the cooks, get the painters up on the ladders, Hire the band, arrange for refreshments, set a date and let's make it happen.

Are you a doer or a dreamer? I'm a doer. It may take me awhile to figure out how to make it work. But eventually, I'll do it. I don't dream much but I can sure hook up with other people's dreams and do what I can to help.

Are you a follower or rebellious? I am very rebellious. Tell me not to do something and that is the FIRST thing I will go do. I'm sure someone told me one time NOT to EVER go get a tattoo. That's why I have this burning desire inside to get "just one more!" :D JUST KIDDING.

I was a horrible teenager. I'm a stubborn, hard-headed child of God. The only time I am likely to be labeled a "follower" is when I have given up on issue. And I think that's not really following...maybe more desperation (I don't know what to do to help/to fix something, so I end up doing nothing).

Are you diminish yourself or do you struggle with pride? Both. Again, very weird.

I have been labeled as/accused of "not being a team player", being "Controlling", a "Type A personality", a "know it all", and it's true, sometimes I have a hard time with my "My Way or the HighWay" attitude.

Yet I will be the first one to tell you that I have messed up SO badly! I could list about 101 things about me that I don't like (my controlling personality being #1A on the list!). I do not deserve ANY of the blessings I have been given in this life. At times in my past, going to sleep and never waking up sounded like a very attractive option.

Don't know what that all means.

Are you old fashioned or do you like all things new? Old fashioned. If it weren't so much work, I think I'd go live with the Amish. I love homemade bread, candles, sewing/quilting, reading and spending time with my family.

Do like things the same or do you prefer change? Generally, I prefer things the same in my life. Security and stability make me happy. However, I believe that to move forward and prosper in this life changes must occur. As long as they are well planned, I don't mind that.

Wow. There is a definite pattern emerging here, dontcha think?

Are you very open about your life or are you more secretive and careful? As you can probably tell from this blog, I am open about everything. About the only thing I haven't shared on here is the real names of my immediate family.

Sometimes that's a bad thing; being such an "open book".

Last of all, how does your personal style affect your relationship with Him? As you can tell, I have a REALLY hard time with...

YEP, you guessed it!

Relinquishing control of my life and my life situations.

The flip side is that I can organize and get things done that bring people into fellowship; Concerts, dinners, singing, prayer groups, fundraisers. I've learned to give Him the reins of the project and give Him all the glory when it's done. At first, it was hard to know what to say when everyone came up to "Oooo" and "Aaahhh" and say "thank you!!". I would just get all red-faced and stammer "well, Thank you, Thanks."

Now I say "God worked that all out just right, didn't He?" or "God sure did give that group a wonderful musical gift, didn't He?" Pointing the glory back toward the Father is easier now and I think it makes the complementor (and the complementee :D) feel more at ease.

Looking back over this post, I sure can see what areas I need to work on. Glaringly.

At least I know how to pray, now. Ya Think?

Shape of my Faith...Week 5 (or so :D)

This lesson from "The Shape of my Faith" is looking at life experiences. I've listed a few (Ummm, ok ALOT) of these in the past. But for the sake of doing the study in a complete manner (and so you don't have to go back through my voluminous blog entries...) I'm going to attempt to summarize most of them chronologically in this post.

And for the sake of brevity, I'll try not to elaborate...much. But you know how I am. "Help, I'm talking (typing) and I can't shut up".

My life experiences:

• Oldest of four girls.
• Poor family, dad worked away from home most of the time.
• Extremely conservative religious upbringing.
• Deer hunting, Camping, Dory fishing, crawdadding
• First job in a fish packing plant.
• Rebellious teenager.
• Some experimentation with drugs/alcohol senior year.
• Ran away at 17
• victim of sexual assault, twice.
• Got married to a man 19 years my senior when I was 18.
• Lived as a hillbilly in the mountains with no electricity, no running water and an outhouse.
• Divorced after 3 years. First divorce ever in my father's family history.
• dinner cook in a restaurant.
• volunteer firefighter.
• Emergency Medical Technician
• Long haul Truck driver
• Hospital admitting clerk
• Got married to a man 3 years my junior.
• Tattoo collection started (eventually have 4) much to my mother's consternation.
• 4 years of infertility.
• Child number 1, induced TWICE. 9lb boy.
• State police dispatcher
• 911 dispatcher (REALLY SHORTLY)
• Kelly Temporary office worker
• Receptionist at a newspaper (got to know the local reporters...which later came in VERY handy to keep from having my family name blasted all over the U.S.) It's amazing how God prepares you when you don't even know what's coming!
• Middle school youth leader at church. Husband an elder and highschool youth leader.
• Second child born with heart defect. Girl, emergency c-sect. 6 lb
• Three months later...GUESS WHAT? Two pink lines. Oh. My.
• Third child born. Girl, VBAC, 9 lb. 3 oz. after 3 hours of labor.
• Found out ex #1 was accused of Rape. He escaped on a technicality. I believe to this day he is totally capable of it.
• Husband decides to cheat on me with some bimbo he found on the internet.
• I took him back. DON'T even say it. I know.
• Miscarriage at 7 weeks.
• Part time job as an office assistant.
• Hubby was boy scout leader; I was boy scout assistant.
• Praise team leader
• Church caterer (cooking for groups of up to 100)
• child number 4. Girl, Born at home. 9 lbs 6 oz. Last one.
• Home-party business selling lingerie
• Foster parent
• All-American Soccer Mom
• Unfortunately, also a CB/Computer widow. If he wasn't working, he was talking on the CB or on the computer.
• Completed three tons of paperwork required to buy our first house. Searched for three months and found the perfect one.
• Scheduled for Gastric Bypass surgery after 20 years of obesity. Weight 405 lbs. Fought insurance company for a year to clear it.
• Gave notice at part time job. Gonna stay home in my new house with my kids.
• One week before closing on our first house, hubby was arrested for child abuse.
• Lost house, kept job, lost family dog, lost income, lost husband, lost father, lost friend, went from foster parent to DHS client in one day. Like one good friend put it...my own personal 9/11.
• Went ahead with Gastric Bypass. 185 lb.s gone.
• So many blessings from God...learning to trust Him to get me through every day.
• So many disobediences...promiscuity, anger, rebellion.
• School cook.
• Receptionist.
• Blogger
• quilter
• baker
• scrapbooking
• Canning/preserving (tuna, pears, peaches, green beans, apple sauce...)
• Got the feeling God is gonna do something amazing with my life here. That faith I learned last year is coming in VERY handy.

Sometimes I wonder if God doesn't give me LOTS of varied experiences so that I can minister to many different people; So that I can empathize, come along side, serve, support. To be able to say, "you know, I can feel a little of how that hurts!" without sounding condescending is a tough job. Sometimes I still can't pull it off with the correct attitude.

I want to. And I think that is my prayer as my life advances now.

PLEASE, Lord, let me serve with an air of compassion and empathy; NOT sympathy, pity and arrogance. I long to reflect YOUR love, not drive them away or make them feel worse than they already do.

And even though some of these situation have been so rough I didn't think I could survive, I must be grateful for all of them. I would not be the person I am today without the experiences we have survived. I would not be where I am in my walk with Christ without these experiences. I would have been unable to help, unable to relate, unable to reach out to some of the hurting people I have encountered.

God knows. When I look back on it all, I can see His love and care. He was there with me, even when I didn't lean on Him. He just cried with me and held me.

His heart was broken too.

My Abilities. OH. MY.

This weeks study has been tough for me. I have SUCH a hard time looking at what I CAN do...And tend to look at the negative; What I CAN NOT do.
So I had to sit back and take stock.

Abilities....

Hmmmmm....

I found it was easier to ask someone else or think about what I have been complimented on in the past.

Singing. I love to sing praises to Christ and He has gifted me with a fairly decent voice. I used to have a wider range than I do now; I must confess that I have smoked in the past year and it has damaged this ability. My voice is now deeper and rougher than it used to be.
I quit. Three months ago. Don't worry.
As for how I can use it for the Lord and His service, that is a study in itself. I used to lead singing at our church. I can't really call it "praise" because not one person (except me) ever raised their hands to the Lord or even stood up unless I asked them to. We did a half hour praise time for awhile before "traditional service", but it was eventually phased out. Then the praise songs were slowly disappearing. When I left due to my schedule changing at work ( I have to work Sundays now) the congregation was pretty much back to 1800's hymns.
Not that I am against that! I love them! I especially love trying to Jazz them up a little and get people to THINK about the words they are singing; not simply sing from rote.
But to tell you the truth, it was a little (OK, a LOT depressing) to be losing ground like that.
I also want to do a gospel recording someday. I have alot of friends in the Pacific Gospel Music Association http://www.pacificgospel.com/ and would LOVE to have a ministry like that.
But is that what God wants for me? Maybe someday...

I enjoy quilting and sewing. Many members of my family have told me how much they appreciate projects I have made for them. My sister and I designed a quilt for my grandparents and my grandmother would not let it out of her sight. I whipped out a crazy quilt out of flannel squares one day because my Mommy was in the hospital and I couldn't afford flowers. I had won the flannel fat-quarters in a drawing and they made a great "hospital bed sized" quilt. To this day, she uses it like her own security blanket; taking it to the hospital when she has to go or wrapping herself in it when she doesn't feel well. Someday, I'll do a post with pictures of some of the quilts I've done. It's fun. And I LOVE to see their faces, to brush away the tears, to be wrapped in the warm loving arms when I present the gift. Wow. Makes me smile just to think about it.

I can cook. Like for LARGE groups of people. This has come in very handy at church. During our ALPHA program, I did dinner each week for 50 people. And the Valentine's dinner for 75. It feels SO wonderful when it all comes together.
I also have the ability to calm others; I seem to project this air of confidence. Like I know what I'm doing. Even when I don't.
YIKES.
I've had people tell me I should be a nurse. I've had many, many calls from friends and family for medical advice. I have a driving DESIRE to be a homebirth midwife and am walking that path as the Lord opens doors.
However, the down-side to this "ability" is that I tend to come across as a "Know-it-all". I am aware of this. I try SO hard not to let this happen.

And that's one thing I've noticed.

For every "ability", Satan has a "disability". For every thing I can do halfway decently, Satan knows how to trip me up.
Aaaargh! And often I fall into his trap.

I always have to be on my guard.
And I need to keep asking my Heavenly Father how I can use these abilities with my Gifts.
For it changes as the seasons of my life change.
A work in progress, indeed.

My Passion, part 2; week 3

Continuing on with pondering the Shape of My Faith, I checked out "Week 3". It entails outlining your Passion; where your heart lies. I've talked about it a little before I started the Shape of My Faith series when I ran across it on another blogger's page. That is here:
http://douglassmom.blogspot.com/2006/10/passions-priorities-and-gettin-right.html

But as I read the explanation for week 3, it occurred to me that there is more there that I want to explore.
"What is the spiritual issue, theological discussion, work, prayer focus, Scriptural concept that you think more people should be concerned about. What’s the biblical principal that makes you most angry or frustrated when others go against it? What is the concern within the church that grabs you by the heart every time it is mentioned?

Let's start with Scriptural concept and Biblical principals. My biggest frustration in organized religion today (well, and ALL through time, actually!) is the challenge of "Not Seeing the Trees for the Forest."
In other words, ignoring the individual for the good of the church/denomination.
I grew up in a beloved church family; wouldn't trade them for all the silver or gold in the world. But when it came time for communion and the plate was snatched away because "You aren't a member here", it just got my dander up. Or when the ordinances prohibiting alcohol consumption are so strict that members were made to feel GUILTY if they used MOUTHWASH that contained alcohol.
Christ specifically tells us in the letters to the Corinthians that we should not cause others to "stumble". I know of several people (including me) who RAN (not walked) away from God because of the straight-laced, hard-nosed, rigid, you-gotta-be-perfect Idea of How God Works. Praise Him that He drew me back to Himself little by little and showed me how His LOVE and FORGIVENESS works.
Don't get me wrong, here. If you are breaking God's law, you are breaking God's law. But I believe it can be spoken with love NOT judgement. And I believe that taking Jesus Christ as the Savior of your heart is MUCH more important than who can participate in communion, whether or not women can wear pants, if dancing is immoral and whether or not Our Father permits the consumption of alcohol.
Hmmm, can you tell I get my panties in a wad over that? JUST a tad!

By the way, feel free to disagree with me. Alot of people do...and I'll be your friend anyway.

"So what’s your passion? What group do you care about so much it hurts? What cause makes your heart beat faster?"

Another thing I could stand up on a soap box about is abandoned/abused babies and children. NOTHING breaks my heart harder and deeper than hearing of a newborn left in a box at a construction site or left laying on the beach in the freezing cold to die. Our state has a WONDERFUL law that allows "mothers" (and I use the term VERY loosely) to leave their babies at a hospital, fire department or police department without fear of criminal prosecution.
But you know what? NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT IT. There is no publicity because there is no funding. I even tracked down the state lawmaker who helped get the bill passed offering to help in any way I could; transportation, diapers, formula. But all they wanted was money. And, unfortunately, that is the ONE thing I don't have.
I think they should have fliers printed and distributed at all the local high schools and doctors' offices. I think someone should donate billboard space up and down our state highways to trumpet this news to the community.
But you know what? It ain't gonna happen. And you know why? Because our foster care system is already overloaded and they frankly don't want the added influx of infants this would cause. Not that they want the babies to die....they just want to go on pretending they don't exist.
This passion for babies has led me to be a foster parent for two years...when I had a co-parent (read another means of financial support). It also fuels my desire to become a midwife. Maybe some of those (quote-unquote) mothers would be more willing to ask me for help when I am not as attached to the "establishment". If I could just save one little one from being left out in the elements to die or keep one teeny life from ending in a dumpster...

Please, Heavenly Father, HERE I AM, SEND ME!

And I wanted to finish up on this subject by quoting a paragraph from the "Shape of Faith" website that really hit me right between "the lookers"...
"Sometimes a passion is related to spiritual gifts, sometimes to experience, sometimes to personality, but always it is God given. Sometimes we get too caught up in it and have to hand it back over to the Lord, He will hand it back at the right time, when you are most prepared to act on it. Sometimes He takes it away (if we use it wrong) and gives us something else in return."

Oooooo WoooW!

ENFJ - The Giver

WEEK 2

Your personality type is ENFJ.
extroverted (E) 57% (Introverted (I) 43%)
Intuitive (N) 64% (Sensing (S) 36%)
Feeling (F) 95% (Thinking (T) 5%)
Judging (J) 64% (Perceiving (P) 36%)

and for an explanation of that...
http://typelogic.com/enfj.html

Famous people with the same type...
King David of Israel
Abraham Lincoln
Ronald Reagan
Andy Griffith
Dick Van Dyke
Sean Connery
Oprah Winfrey
Johnny Depp
Bob Saget
Michael Jordan
Kirstie Alley
Ben Affleck and
Matthew McConaughey.

Now I know why I like those people! :D LOL

And career paths for "ENFJ - The Giver"...
http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFJ_car.html

Just in case you don't want to click on the links...here's a rundown of "ME".

ENFJs generally have the following traits:
Genuinely and warmly interested in people
Value people's feelings
Value structure and organization
Value harmony, and good at creating it (Can I say AMEN here?)
Exceptionally good people skills
Dislike impersonal logic and analysis
Strong organizational capabilities
Loyal and honest
Creative and imaginative
Enjoy variety and new challenges
Get personal satisfaction from helping others
Extremely sensitive to criticism and discord (AMEN again!)
Need approval from others to feel good about themselves

Out of the four basic Temperaments, I am a Guardian.

Guardians are the cornerstone of society, for they are the temperament given to serving and preserving our most important social institutions. Guardians have natural talent in managing goods and services--from supervision to maintenance and supply--and they use all their skills to keep things running smoothly in their families, communities, schools, churches, hospitals, and businesses.
Guardians can have a lot of fun with their friends, but they are quite serious about their duties and responsibilities. Guardians take pride in being dependable and trustworthy; if there's a job to be done, they can be counted on to put their shoulder to the wheel. Guardians also believe in law and order, and sometimes worry that respect for authority, even a fundamental sense of right and wrong, is being lost. Perhaps this is why Guardians honor customs and traditions so strongly--they are familiar patterns that help bring stability to our modern, fast-paced world.
Practical and down-to-earth, Guardians believe in following the rules and cooperating with others. They are not very comfortable winging it or blazing new trails; working steadily within the system is the Guardian way, for in the long run loyalty, discipline, and teamwork get the job done right. Guardians are meticulous about schedules and have a sharp eye for proper procedures. They are cautious about change, even though they know that change can be healthy for an institution. Better to go slowly, they say, and look before you leap.
Guardians make up as much as 40 to 45 percent of the population.

Study/application questions: (AKA phrases posed as a question to make you THINK!)

How does your specific personality affect how you relate to those around you?
These questions are really tough to answer. I know that my personality sometimes gets me into trouble with MG because I am always trying to be the peacemaker. If he is reprimanding the kids, I "jump in" and try to mediate. Which, unfortunately, looks like I'm usurping his authority. We want to make this TEAM approach a reality. It's ULTRA important.

How does it affect how you relate to other Christians?
Once again, conflict is a tough concept for me. I don't like it AT ALL, so I tend to be judgmental when other Christians bicker amongst themselves instead of being about the Father's business. There are better ways to expend that energy. I am NOT Perfect by any means and I am NOT always "about my Father's business" as I should be.
Once I read something written by Max Lucado. He was telling a story of a fishing trip he went on as a boy with a friend and the friend's father. It rained the entire trip and they sat inside the tent for days. Predictably, the interpersonal relationships deteriorated rather quickly. And he made this point...which is also true of churches that are stagnant..."When those who are called to fish DON'T fish, they fight!" That phrase really stuck in my mind because my church family was living it. Bigtime.

Non-Christians?
I've been told I come across as a "goody two shoes" type. And a "Super Mom". Because I have such a hard time saying "No". I give and give and serve on this board and that committee and volunteer here and there.

How does it affect your ministry?
Because I tend to look "too perfect" others feel they cannot "measure up". I'm NOT all that. In fact, I'm one of the biggest sinners around. When my goof-ups come out, it looks like an EVEN bigger fault because they thought I was all that in the first place. Is this coming out at all intelligently?

Did you recognize anyone elseÂ’s personality when looking over the types?
No, I didn't go into this study to look at other people so that didn't even cross my mind.

How might this affect how you relate to them?
I tend to be more introspective; I take the blame and wonder what I did wrong when things don't work right. Therefore, looking at someone else's personality and how I would relate to that is difficult for me.

How does you personality affect your relationship to the Lord?
Even though I have the "servant's heart", oftentimes I find I don't have the "servant's Attitude". I do the "WHY isn't anyone helping me?!?" thing WAAAaaaay too often. Therefore, I need to take that "garbage out to the curb" on a regular basis! He must get so tired of my repeated pleas for forgiveness for my snotty attitude. Yet He forgives me over and over again.
The world says "when someone helps you, you owe them", but I LOVE it when God nudges my heart to do something for someone. It feels SO wonderful to be able to help when someone is hurting. I've learned to THANK the Lord for those opportunities because recently, I have had to be the RECIPIENT of that type of help. I don't like that! I want to be the GIVER not the receiver! I fought that tooth-and-nail. NO, Father. Stop!!
But then itoccurredd to me that as much as I enjoy the helping and giving...others do, too! That I was robbing others of that "joy of giving" by being stubborn unto myself and protesting or arguing when they tried to help me.
I think that has been a big part of what the last 18 months has brought...a lesson in humility. In allowing others to share the joy; in learning to just simply say "Thank you So MUCH!"
I will have a chance to pay back some day...when someone else needs something I can give. I will say "this is because one day, long ago, someone helped me. So here I am! One day, you will be able to pass it on!" How cool is that?

Testimony...

1980.
I was 14.
Summer church camp in the Ochoco Mountains in Oregon. Gorgeous country. Like you care when you are 14, you know? The main reason I went to summer camp was to have fun and find boys. Do you remember when you were that age?

Lots of things I remember about summer camp. Standing in line forever to eat. Church 3 times a day. Yep! 3 times. Not kidding. Outdoor toilets that looked like they were about 200 feet deep...especially at 4 am in the dark. Worrying about snakes. Wooden cabins.
It's probably T.M.I, but one year a fly laid eggs in my nostril while I slept. NO, the didn't hatch, but it was fun cleaning them out in the morning.

I remember fun times in the "Girls" cabin. Chocolate parties about Wednesday when someone made a "run" into town. We'd order chocolate donuts, M&M and all other manner of PMS-soothing goodies...then pile them in a lower middle bunk and PIG OUT. Which necessitated the 4am trips to the 200-foot-deep outhouse.

One time we were running and jumping on the bunks playing tag...must have been squealing too loudly because here comes a pastor's wife. EVERYBODY HIDE! One poor girl stood in an open area right behind where the door would open up when the cranky pastor's wife came charging through it; knocked said girl back into a closet where someone had stashed their knitting project.
WOW.
She came out with two knitting needles protruding from her behind. They laid her across the backseat of someone's van and trundled her in to the ER. Man, I bet that hurt!

ANYWAY, I digress.

Even when one's main purpose at camp is to have fun and chase boys, God has a way of getting through. He knew my pain...and He knew how to heal it. He knew that, even at 14, I was painfully aware of a hole in my soul. There was an emptiness inside me that I had been trying to fill; with food, boys, chasing popularity, rebellion. What I didn't realize until that week...was the specific SHAPE of that hole.

It occurred to me one morning. I didn't want to go to services. Didn't want to face that again; the feeling that I was just NOT "getting it". So I stayed in my sleeping bag. Covered up my head. "I'm sick. Go ahead without me".
My friends went and told the house counselor, who told my parents, who told the pastor's wife. And they ALL knew what was going on; even if I did not yet realize it. The Spirit was calling me; Jesus was drawing me unto Himself. And I was fighting it. They told me later that they had gathered together to pray.

The tears came. With that hot, stuffy, sleeping bag pulled up over my head.

I surrendered.

White flag up the flagpole. I give up!

"Let's do this, Father. Come fill that space in my heart that only You can fill. Satisfy my soul in the way only YOU can. Be with me and take over from this day forward, because I LONG for Your peace. "

The sobbing subsides. How quiet it is! I sit up and think "WOW! This is it! I can feel Him! He is HERE!"
Can't just SIT Here!! Gotta get up! Go tell somebody...ANYbody! WeeeeHaw!

Bust out the door and Whammo! into the arms of a group of people who had been interceding for me...For ME...before the throne of Grace.

Lotsa joy! and laughing! and Love!

Now, don't get me wrong. There are times when I have wished that that "still small voice" filling that God Shaped Hole would STOP whispering at me. It hasn't always been a piece of cake learning to live as Christ would have me live.

I'm FORTY...and STILL learning. I learn something new all the time. It's like getting to know a friend. Just when you think you got them ALL figured out, you find yourself saying, "Holy COW! I never knew THAT about you!"

But I know that I love Him. And I am SO grateful He took me as His child. I can be pretty bratty and VERY rebellious. But He loves me up anyway. The moments of peace, the joy-splashes, the blessings He has poured out on me...How does one live without that support and the reassuring knowledge that Christ is RIGHT There; just Right THERE when you need Him.

And I am SO Looking forward to touching His face and hugging His neck someday.
Words cannot express...

SO I think I'll quit trying.

multiple personalities

OK, it occurred to me after I Posted that last post about my relationship with Christ and where my faith is at that after reading some of my stuff, someone who didn't know me well might wonder what is up with this "dual personality". I mean, one minute I'm talking about tattoos and saying "Freakin'" in my post and the next minute I talk about my Heavenly Father.

Well, the truth of the matter is that one doesn't have to be perfect to be a Child of God and to follow Him. In fact, if I WERE perfect, I wouldn't need Him then, would I?

There's an old Gospel song that says "I'm only a sinner saved by Grace". Yep...that's me! I still do things ALL the time that make my Heavenly Father sad. And I do alot of stuff that ain't exactly straight...but ain't exactly crooked either. Kinda like pushing the limits to see how far I can go. I know God understands where He and I are at. I apologize to Him CONSTANTLY...but that means I talk to Him alot.

He is ALWAYS there for me. Always. When the worst things have happened and I just wanted the earth to swallow me up to take away the hurt...He knew. And He cried right along with me.

God and I have been through alot of crud together. And it may sound irreverant...but He is my "Friend that sticks closer than a brother". He's my bud. I have NO IDEA how I would survive in this life without Him.

So here's where I stand on God. I know Him and I love Him with all my heart.

Do I hurt Him? Yes. Although I try not to because I love Him and you don't want to hurt those you love.
Do I do things that OTHERS feel are wrong? Yes. But that stuff is between God and me. I know that others watch me, especially my kids, and they see how I live. Causing someone else to stumble in their walk with God is something I never want to do. God says there are some stiff consequences for people who hurt His children.
So all I can do is my best. I try...and I try...and I fall.

This blog is written by a human woman. That just about says it all right there.

My Faith

So what does my faith look like? I think I'm going to try to find out.
The first "assignment" is to write down your "testimony"...or your story about how God got your attention. It's been a looooong time since I've done that.

This may take some time.

http://www.shamusyoung.com/heatherblog/wordpress/?page_id=419