Sunday, October 15, 2006

Passions, Priorities and Gettin' Right...

**Disclaimer...there is NO humor in this post whatsoever. Sorry. Just some upside-my-head reality checks I've gone through this morning. Hope you'll read it, anyway.**

First of all, let me start by saying I feel like I've been run over by a truck. I coughed all night and am so tired I can't BELIEVE I'm at work! SO wish I was home in bed. Please keep me in your prayers. I don't mind being sick really; it's just that I don't like the way I am toward others when I don't feel good. I'm cranky; Poor people.
Should hang a sign around my neck "Beware, cranky ill woman. Do not engage in conversation."

Moving on...found a new friend in Blog-world. Karla at "To Reflect His Glory" is following a study from another site and she asked "What are your passions? Where is your heart? What do you feel strongly about?"

And she actually wanted an answer...

So I've been thinking about it. And I know what the "pat" answers are. But I also want to be honest.
I SHOULD say "Christ"! I wish He was my priority, my passion; I wish I thought of Him before I thought of anything else. But the reality is...He's usually the last resort. That being said...

What are my passions? Hmmmm...OK, here they are in no particular order.
  • My Children. I have given up my husband, my home, and my health to keep them safe. I'm NOT saying that to brag...I'm telling you that to let you know how VERY important they are to me. Having to work 40+ hours a week to support them while someone else raises them is the most painful aspect of my life right now and I war with myself constantly about what is best for them. (**Prayers PLEASE**)
  • My family. I have three younger sisters, their children, Mom and Dad, three aunts, one uncle and three cousins. Not a HUGE family, but they are so important to me. When crisis occurs, we bond like glue! And I LIVE for the holidays when we can all be together.
  • My Guy. He tries SO hard to take care of me. I'm not used to that (no one has ever tried to take care of ME before except my Mom) so it's not an easy job for him. It is so wonderful to have someone in my life that loves the Lord! I'm not used to that either.
  • Service. Doing for others without having an attitude or expecting recognition. I strive for that...but, unfortunately, I don't always succeed. My dream falls into this catagory - Midwifery. Serving women and their families as they bring a new little one into this world. I am not of the Militant-Midwife mindset (e.g. all doctors are bad, hospitals are horrible). After all, I had 3 of mine in hospitals! BUT, if someone can have their baby at home and I can be with them through the entire process, helping, holding, encouraging, walking...what ultimate service! WOW! I am SO excited! I am praying that God will guide me through this and give me the proper heart attitude.

That's about it. There are lots of things I like to do...quilting, baking, swinging; and some things I LOVE to do...sing, blog, read. But I've discovered that you can lose everything material and still be happy because you have people in this life and a God who LOVE YOU. That's all that matters.

OOoo Oooo...guess what! I got the enrollment papers for my midwifery course! It is SO scary looking! Huge outline and all these books to read and review. TESTS! Practical skills...Oh my goodness! I'm really going to have to be self motivated to do well on this. WOW. I'm excited and terrified all at once.

Spur of the moment last night, I called the neighbor girl over to see if she would babysit. It worked out so MG and I went out for Chinese food and walked around Wally World for awhile.

During dinner, he was telling me about how he wants to find a fishing/hunting buddy here locally; someone he can take off with several times a week and visit with while they drown worms. He has some friends he hunts with some...but they live far away. It's kinda hard to hook up and just go fishin' of a mornin' when you live an hour apart and you work different hours.

ANYWAY, I found myself getting jealous! HOW dumb! I don't want to be that way...possessive, clingy, petty. I want him to have friends...I have friends. Not that I get to see them much. But I was JEALOUS. Uuuugghh!

Then I started looking at the entire situation and got a reality check. I'm jealous of ALOT of things! I'm jealous he gets to spend more time with my kids than I do. I'm jealous that he gets to work doing what he LOVES to do.

I'm sorry, Lord. Here I am being a rotten kid again. Maybe I've just got PMS...Maybe I'm just tired...Maybe I've got a cold. But that's NO excuse to be so out-of-line with what The Father wants my attitude to be. No excuses. There are SO many things to be grateful for.

"Change my heart, O God. Make it ever true. Change my heart, O God. May I be like You..."

1 comment:

janice said...

Wow - what honesty! You are an amazing person - with such an earnestness to please the Lord. Good for you. Yes you struggle - that is part of the human condition. But you are actively seeking to grow.

And midwivery sounds like a great career. Good luck!