I'm not looking for sympathy or "atta-girls". I've simply found myself reminiscing about my life and spending the afternoon giving myself up to the way things are. Looking at it from a different angle to try to gain some perspective.
There are some things I have wanted in this life so badly I was willing to do almost anything to achieve those goals.
Emphasis on "almost".
That's when the time comes to look at what my priority is, was and always shall be.
And that's when the time comes to give up what I "want" and do what I know is the right thing to do.
Doesn't mean it isn't tough. Sometimes feels like more than I can take.
Doesn't mean I don't still long for "what might have been". Sometimes the longing almost overtakes me.
Doing what you have to do is hard. Doing the right thing is hard.
But at night, when I think of lost dreams, lost chances and lost people, there is a place I get to where I just have to breathe and let them go; give myself up to the way things are, so to speak.
So I'm working on having faith that there will be joy in the struggle...faith that there will be those who stand with me when I am feeling low...faith that, no matter what, there ARE blessings to be found if I clear my head and heart and look around some.
I doubt that anyone will ever read this. But if it happens - Thank you. Thanks for caring enough about me to take the time to try to understand. It means more than you know.