Have I learned my lesson?

So many triumphs in the last week! I am bubbling over!
I've had some issues with my drivers license....
Too many tickets. Suspension ~ It's been bad.  Having to ride the bus or beg rides from others has been tough.  Especially when trying to get kids to appts...doctor, therapy, picking up meds.  Even getting groceries.  It has felt like prison, really.
But I got it back!  All straightened out!  Got the car repaired with the help of gracious friends and my tax return.  So...
I AM FREE!
The immense relief and overwhelming gratitude to those who have been there for me sometimes leaks out my eyes as happy tears.
Now I will be good.

Right!?!

I find myself battling the rebellious spirit.  Drive fast, stay out too late.
Not good -

And a relationship....
with an amazingly handsome man.
I AM TERRIFIED.
They have all walked out.
Every
Last
One
So why, oh why, do I keep trying?
He sweeps me off my feet.  Melts me into a puddle.  Makes me smile.  The thrill, the excitement, the feeling that I am beautiful and worth loving.
When I should feel that within myself...not relying on the opinions of others.
In the "Land of As-it-Should-Be", I guess.

I promised myself and my kids - no more.  I'm done!  Done with the hurt.  Done with becoming attached and being hurt when it ends.
But I can't help myself.
I'm crazy.
and free...
and scared out of my wits...
and excited...
and amazed at the wonder of it all.

Viewing life from a different perspective, it seems.