Recap

2014 was quite the year.

• I got a new tattoo - Faith, Hope, Love
  
• I got a new "daughter" - Son got engaged to a wonderful girl with a heart of gold.
  
• I loved and lost and pretty much gave up on having a partner in this life.  Filed for divorce after one year of being married to someone for convenience, fell in love with someone after that and he chose someone else, then decided I will not be trying anymore. I don't think anyone will ever be able to handle my life with three special needs kids.
• Made the toughest decision of my life to give up one of my precious jewels to be cared for by someone else because I could not keep her safe.  I have no idea how I will change my situation enough to get her back but I pray every day that God will miraculously work it out.
• Stopped going to church because I found I was serving to keep the "pastor" from getting angry rather than serving God.  I miss my church family and missing that connection with other believers but have not been able to bring myself to begin the search.
• Worked for the same company for the entire year.  So many adventures and new opportunities.  Got to drive a silage truck in a corn field and learned how to dump it.  Almost wrecked it a couple times (in the same day) but managed to hold it together.  
  
• Lost another 50 pounds (+ or -, wasn't really keeping track).
• Lost my driver's license - uninsured accident - only another month till I get it back.  So have been riding the bus, begging rides from others and learning a very tough, expensive lesson.
• Have survived a year of parenting four teenagers (or almost teenagers) with mental health issues.  ALL FOUR are now on some kind of psych med. #1 = depression, #2 = depression, ADD, ASD and superventricular tachycardia. #3 = depression, suicidal, cutting, Trauma-induced DID, gender dysphoria, SID and ASD. #4 = depression, ASD, SID, anxiety disorder, gender dysphoria, OCD and anorexia.     I love them so much.   This hurts.   Some days I am totally overwhelmed.  But so far, I have made it through.
• Through the challenges, I am blessed to be able to recognize how blessed I am.  I have so many friends who back me up and lift me up and cheer me up.

I really miss writing.  It feels so good to write.  If I had a New Year resolution, it would be to write more.  But the reality is that I probably won't.  With full-time work, full-time caring for kids and sleeping every once in awhile...time is a precious commodity.  Maybe someday this will get easier.  Maybe someday...

So much has happened....

I miss my blog...
Really! I do!
with no Internet at home, writing has become a luxury.

OK, I guess I COULD write them off-line then publish them, huh?
If I had a brain...
which I do, but unfortunately, due to menopause and resulting insomnia, said brain has refused to cooperate with me most days.

OK, every day.
This past week, my life has done a 180 and I'm facing a whole new future.

Had to take a leave of absence from midwifery.
I know, it sucks. But after excitedly awaiting the completion of my practical experience and the promise of a partnership to follow my licensure, I was deemed to have "gaps in my knowledge" and instructed to study more before attempting to sit for the written NARM exam.

I couldn't face another year of existing below poverty level...for my children and for myself.
So I got a job...

Yep! a 8 - 430, Monday thru Friday, honest-to-goodness J-O-B. It's only seasonal, but one never knows...and it will help dig us out of a hole. Dispatching trucks delivering potting soil.
It could be fun, really. It involves two of my favorite things...trucks and talking. Just sayin'....

Also, I got married this week.
legally....tied....the....knot

He's sweet, kids love him, 10 years younger than I (I think that classifies me as a cougar), and he can cook!
He's also disabled and has hepatitis C.

Catch your breath...**PANT PANT**

It's not that bad, really. He will have to undergo a year of interferon treatments soon, but for right now...we just have to be very careful with anything "wet and not ours" as they say in EMT class.

Now, for tribe updates...
#1 has now graduated from high school and will start college Spring term.
...For what profession, you ask? excellent question! He doesn't know, actually. I think God is calling him to the ministry...we shall see if he heeds that call.

#2 has played musical schools but is now back in Chaotic Charter School. Diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD, anxiety, tachycardia and an amazing abiding faith in God, she can be awesome or horrible depending on the hour of day. She will be 15 in June and, folks, the idea of her DRIVING with her attention span is enough to make me completely gray-haired.

#3 is also attending Chaotic Charter School. Declared disabled with Aspergers, anxiety and depression, she has a boyfriend that I cannot stand yet tolerate so I can keep a constant vigil on them. They are amazingly physically demonstrative for their age and I'm thinking of calling the whole thing off. At 13, she should not have to worry about him "cheating on her" or have someone clinging to her for complete emotional stability.
Which is probably why I now sit in a hospital emergency room with her. Waiting for an adolescent psych bed to become available in the nearby big city. Battling the creatures that grab at her and tell her to kill herself. The spiders, snakes and foxes are fairly easy to deal with, but the black creatures are formidable opponents as I challenge them for my daughter's sanity.

#4 goes to the Small Town Public School and is in 5th grade. Diagnosed with Aspergers, anxiety, depression and Sensory Integration Disorder. Looking forward to outdoor school. Which I have volunteered to go to...
Before I got this job, that is.
Before her sister mentally snapped, that is.


Turn in my Mommy License again!!

Wait...I don't have one...

So here I sit... "Lean not onto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."

I'm trying, God, I'm trying...

Plastic storage wonders

I read a story once about someone who never washed their Tupperware. When it was dirty, they just carried it out into the back garden and buried it.

My thoughts on that are many...
First, plastic isn't biodegradeable. So what kind of a garden is that going to be in a couple of years?
and what are this person's grandchildren going to be dealing with after they pass on?
Secondly, If this is a true story, I'm heading to the nearest stock broker to buy me some shares of Tupperware and Rubbermaid Industries.
Thirdly, which one of us, if we are HONEST with ourselves hasn't fleetingly entertained the idea of, if not burying that plastic monstrosity that holds spaghetti stains like superglue, at LEAST just snuggling it to the bottom of the trash can under the egg shells and coffee grounds. They are relatively cheap...no one will miss it...My friend Jeanne who sells Tupperware needs the business!

But you know, I really hate to get rid of those handy plastic reuseable containers. Kool Whip, Gold-n-soft, and those bake-in-the-microwave personal chocolate dessert bowls just work WONDERFULLY for cereal, soup and dog food.

Versatility is the name of the game here. My large plastic bowls have been used to collect apples, peaches, pears, rocks, fish, salamanders, slugs, Halloween candy and puke.
The medium ones I use for mixing cookies, pie dough, bread dough, meatloaf, washing the urine-soaked pieces of the hamster cage and then, ummmm, Puke.
The small ones come in handy for butter dishes, cereal bowls, cat food, dog water, Bug collections and, well, Puke.

With four kids, my favorite containers are those big buckets with lids that Ice Cream comes in! After the ravenous horde falls upon it as I unpack the groceries, the left over handled bucket is awesome at the beach, for freezing blanched corn or plums, refridgerating large quantities of soup and as an emergency toilet. WITH a lid, no less.

Now that I have totally grossed you out, you can call your friend and say, "OH! I would NEVER use my containers like that woman. She is a vulgar redneck!"
I know. Because I used to feel the same way. But there comes a time when you are traveling down a turnpike with no restroom in sight and a three year old SCREAMING for a potty.... Or when you have been up all night holding your seven year old over the toilet and the edge of the tub has worn a groove in your butt and you would give anything to just lay down on the living room floor next to the child and sleep for just two minutes...

Ya'll know what I'm sayin'...
Been there, done that.

I LOVE PLASTIC STORAGE CONTAINERS. :D Making life easier, one bowl at a time.

I'd give back my mommy license, but I think they already have it.

Dr. Seuss Dress Up Day at Kindergarten.
#4 didn't really want to participate, but I talked her into it and she wanted to be "Sally" (The little girl in The Cat And The Hat). I don't know where she came up with that either.

Anyway, we find a cute white dress and do her hair in stand out pigtails.
She looks adorable.

Take her to school and drop her off with her sisters. Wave goodbye.

Get to college class and realize...
IT'S THE WRONG DAY!

Dress up day is Wednesday.
Crud!!!!!!!!!!

So I call her teacher and confess. She laughed so hard I thought she would pass out.
And she says "Well, she looks really cute anyway!!"

Thanks.

I think.

Does the fact that she's cute make up for the fact that Mommy blew it? I sure hope so. Mommy has been blowing it alot lately.

The upside is that she never even noticed. Thank God for small blessings.

What should I do?

I can't remember if I've written about this before, but time is drawing close and I need some input. So if you have any ideas or just want to express your views, I'm open for discussion here.

I'm scheduled for a Tub*l Liga*ion. No more babies.
I have four. I should be happy. So why am I vascillating? Why am I even considering doing this?

Pros:
No more quarterly shots and the emotional gak that comes with that.
No more having to worry about the impact of another child on my life.
Freedom to not even consider the possibility of a baby.
I can't support four kids, how in the world would I think I could support 5?

Cons:
I would love to have another baby...I just have no one to have one with.
Having another baby at 41 is rolling the dice for Down's and other birth defects.
My dreams of being a midwife would be put on hold for another five years until this one got big enough. I would be close to 50 by then.
I've never been pregnant when anyone could actually tell I was pregnant. All my pregnancies were done at over 400 lb.s.

Am I being selfish? Am I simply afraid of the loss of something I worked very hard to gain? Am I equating "ability to bear children" with "being a whole woman"?
What am I thinking? The scary part is that I don't know! I should be sure if I'm going to do this thing. It's permanent.
Or should I just be "reasonably sure" and know that it's the right thing to do, even if it breaks my heart?

Any ideas?

FINISHED THE DRAGON QUILT! WOO HOO

Green, blue and purple with dragon photos.
Tried to get a close up of a dragon photo...didn't turn out so hot.
This is my "signature square". Whenever I do a quilt I always write something personal on it. Dear #4...I am so very proud of you, you are precious to my heart. I love you more than I can say and I have right from the start.
OK...I ain't so hot at poetry. But it made her cry.

I have this cute book. Somewhere...Can't remember the author or the exact name but extols the benefits of the "Dorky Homemade Quilt".

I finished one today.

So, naturally, that's why I was thinking about it.

And I keep telling myself, the kid won't care! After almost a year of waiting for mom to FINISH it...she just wants it DONE. She is only 8 after all.

I couldn't find "just the right" color to back it with...so ended up using something that is "just barely" in the same color family.

And the last 12x12 patch doesn't match the rest of the quilt pattern.

One of my favorite chapters in the afore-mentioned book is titled "Oh well, no one will notice."

I think she was thinking of me when she wrote that.

Now...on to the next one. I think I'm going to get stuck trying to create a "koala" themed quilt for the five year old.

YIKES.

Christmas Tragedy

I thought someone had been shot for all the screaming and hysterics.

Crying, running, wailing, everyone shouting NOT ME, MOM, it WASN't ME!!!!!

It was the cat.

Actually, it was Mommy's fault.
Take away my Mommy License.

OOOOPS! I forgot! I'm unlicensed! :D

Anyway, our huge seven foot Christmas tree was a little wobbly. I should have known better. Well, actually, I DID know better. Kept thinking "I should anchor that hummer to the wall before it goes over." And I didn't. Kept putting it off.

Put it up on Sunday...it came down on Monday.
Only broke one glass ball but scared the hoohah out of the girls.
And the cat.

And I had to redecorate it.

After I tacked it to the oak entertainment center with an eyebolt and fishing line, that is.

I have ISSUES

I have issues. Yes, I do...

**Disclaimer - I've always wanted to be one of those sweet bloggers who writes only uplifting, creative, happy stuff.
Unfortunately, this is a step in the OTHER direction.

Why, oh WHY, am I awake at 4am? Because my Almost-14 year old woke me up to tell me he was hungry. In my half asleep state, I mumbled "So go eat some leftover pizza". So he does...
Heating it up in the microwave and turning on the TV and waking up his sister.
Shall I strangle him now or later?

Half of me says "He was hungry, it's ok." The other part of me (you know, the part that likes to SLEEP) says "WHOOOOA Nelly! This ain't happinin ever again!" So I guess we'll have to have a talk. The boy is 6 ft tall and weighs 260 lbs already. He can survive on his reserves until 6am. I don't know...am I wrong?

A good mother would get up and make him something, right?

Next subject -
Went to #2's parent teacher conference. Felt like a total failure by the time I left.
"She needs to know these simple addition and subtraction problems by sight. You HAVE to work with her. Get some flash cards!" OK, got flashcards, DON'T have TIME.
"I hope she's reading at home". Not unless it's the TV guide or the directions on how to play a computer game.
"Her absences are hurting her academically." WHAT? She's been absent 4 days this quarter!
"She has such a hard time writing an essay. She can't seem to think of ideas and was crying the other day in class because she only had two sentences written and couldn't think of anything else." Hmmmm, thanks for that guilt trip. Is it possible this is because she can't pay attention to one task for longer than two point four seconds?

The poor child already does homework for about 45 minutes every night. Granted, it is an assignment that should take her about 10 minutes and she just stretches it out that long by fidgeting, whining, complaining and fussing. But how much is too much...and how much is enough?

NEXT SUBJECT...
Yesterday was the biggest exercise in patience I have experienced in quite a LOoooong Time. I don't remember praying for patience, but apparently someone thought I needed it anyway.
Left the house early. Dropped the kids off early.
Ended up WAITING at DHS for one piece of paper for FORTY minutes.
Rush to the gas station that will accept that little gas voucher I'd been waiting for...only to get trapped by a TRAIN for fifteen minutes.
NOW, I'm really running late. And I detest being late.

So, of course, I have to get behind a huge line of cars and trucks following some rig that can not go ABOVE 50...for THIRTY miles!
Ended up being an hour late for prenatal clinic. Thank heaven the first appointment cancelled.

Heading home...missing my kids. On prenatal days, I only get to see them for one hour before I have to go to class. It's only one day a week.

Car accident. Blocking the intersection where I need to turn and backing up traffic for like 5 miles. Flush another 20 minutes.
Stop to pick up take and bake pizza for dinner. Only one other lady in the shop. Ahead of me, of course. Who wants a stuffed pizza with half red sauce and half white sauce on the bottom AND the top and wants a House specialty EXCEPT she'd like to substitute olives for the onions, extra cheese for part of the mushrooms, chicken for the sausage....and on and on and on.
By the time I picked up the girls, I got to see my kids for all of 10 minutes. #4 cried because I had to leave again. Couldn't miss class - I had a test. AARGH!

Turn in my Mommy license. I keep telling myself it is for a good cause...our future! Or is it to chase my dreams? Which would make me selfish. Which makes me feel guilty and spend some sleepless nights re-examine my motives.
Is this all worth it?
Is the missing them worth the benefit at the end of the rainbow?
I can't be a welfare mom forever - if not now, when?

Hard questions, I know.

OK, almost done. Last subject...GOOD THING!
Came home last night starving. Hadn't had time to eat.
MG brought me Taco Bell! Steak Quesadilla - My FAV!
And flowers!
AND a card! Muuuushy one, too.

I cried.

Laying Babies

I discovered today why #4 cracks me up so much.

I'm putting on her shoes and, out of the clear blue, she says...
"Mom, I know that my tongue is connected to my laugh box in my heart."

WELL! That certainly answers alot of things.

Another funny from her...kind of an ongoing theme the last week or so, but we discussed it in depth today.
She wants to make sure we are done having children.

"Mom, promise me you aren't going to lay any more babies!"

I told her I wasn't planning on it...but I didn't bother to get into the "birth vs. hatching" issue.

I was laughing too hard.

Momma Bear

MG and I had a "discussion" last night. About rules. And the fact that I don't always enforce "The Rules".

Been having a "counselor" come over to the house once a week. She's supposed to help us create harmony as a family. Help me figure out how to get #1 out of his room more often. Help me understand why #2 and #3 freak out sometimes. Help me discover how to work as a "Team" with MG on parenting issues.

Don't get me wrong. I like this girl. Although she is half my age and I do kinda have issues with someone half my age telling me how to parent my children.
But she helped me clean the kids' rooms. NO ONE has EVER volunteered to do that! EVER. Even the KID's don't volunteer to help clean their rooms. And it was good.
But whenever she comes, MG and I have a disagreement.

And that's not fun.

Anyway, she wants me to re-write my "house rules". They have always been...
1) No running in the house. (you could get hurtchaknow!)
2) No jumping on the furniture. (Had to make this one up after the running one because once they discovered they couldn't run, they wanted to do SOMETHING for exercise and the couch looked like a great trampoline. Which of course it's NOT. I'm just saying...)
3) Inside voices (which was primarily to keep my ex from yelling at us to Shut UP! Which wasn't fun. He had a thing about loud noises...unless he was creating them to irritate other people.)
AND 4) Be kind to others. I thought up this one to BROADLY cover any torture, teasing or pilfering of siblings' persons or property.
OR the cat.
OR the goldfish.
OR the mother...

Anyway, Counselor Chick wants me to define the rules a little tighter now that the kids are older. And not give them 4 chances to behave. Because I had a "consequences" structure set up, too. But she didn't like that.

To tell you the truth, I've never had to use it beyond level two.
Cuz my kids are sweet like that. (cough, gag) And if the kid is doing the SAME naughty thing three times in a row? Well, basically that means they need some attention. Or redirection. Or at least a stern talking-to.

Blah, Blah, Blah...Janean's rules of parenting.

Anyway, we have a pool. And there are things we aren't allowed to do in the pool.
Yes, that includes pe*ing. :D
Like splashing others. Shoving, throwing the water ($$) out.
Last night they had a friend over. And they were getting a little wild. But no one was getting hurt. Everyone was having fun.

But it was driving MG up a tree! That I wasn't getting after them and kicking them out of the pool for breaking the rules.
"Why have rules anyway? "
Basically, what I heard was "You suck as a parent!"

To his credit, he was trying SO Hard not to say anything and just let me handle it. But the veins popping out in his forehead, sweat beads on his upper lip, the clenched jaw, the way he kept glancing out the window and rolling his eyes at me kinda gave him away.

So sue me. Sometimes I give my kids "breaks".
Yes, I have a strict NO GRAZING policy. Mainly to keep #1 from eating us out of house and home. We have breakfast, lunch, snack at 3 and dinner.
But SIN OF ALL SINS, sometimes I give them ice cream or popcorn before bed.
And I don't make them wear pajamas. They can sleep in whatever they want to wear. Which has included underwear and, once, #2 slept in a Goodwill Prom formal I got for $1.00.
This policy has prompted my mother to announce loudly to all assembled on several occasions that I am a bad mother.

Sometimes I forget the kid was grounded two days ago and I let him play the Gamecube.

Sometimes if the child comes to me with sincere remorse, I will lessen the consequences.

And that's why MG and I are having a rough time co-parenting.
Because he thinks I need to tighten up the ship.
I think he needs to take a chill pill.

He tells everyone who will listen that I have "control issues".
I'll be the first on to admit that YES, I am responsible for my children. They are an extension of me. I raised them. I taught them right from wrong. If you criticize them, you criticize me.

MAMA BEAR!

So is my attitude wrong? Maybe.
Do my parenting skills leave much to be desired? Probably.
Do my kids know I love them more than life no matter what? I hope so!
Are my kids brats? Sometimes.
But I'm the only one who can say that.

Is it hard to "co parent"? WhoaYeah!
Am I gonna keep trying? By all means. I love him. He loves me. Somehow we'll work it out.

Am I gonna change? Maybe.
But then again, Maybe Not.

I do have control issues, you know.
And I'm stubborn, too.

“I’m a Darn Good Mommy Blogger”

Today's Crazy Hip Blog Mama's subject was the weekly column entitled Mother Of The Week. This week she wanted us to brag on ourselves.

“I’m a Darn Good Mommy Blogger”

I ain't all that. And if I am even halfway decent, the only reason is because I have four great kids who provide me with cool stuff to write.
Here's some fodder from the last couple days...

#5...Mommy is laying in bed being lazy and I said, "Kiddo, would you ask MG to cook mommy some Taquitos?" She says "WHAT?!" So I make my request again reeeaaally slowly. And she looks at me with her little eyebrows scrunched up...

"Mom, can you say that in English?"

#1...He has this girl he likes. Katie lives in a little town about 3 miles away. He wrote her a letter and he wants to WALK down the highway to deliver the letter.
First of all, that's A BIIIG Awwwww. Cuz he is a big boy. And it's warm outside. HOW SWEET?!?!
Secondly, He couldn't understand WHY I wouldn't let him do it. Till I told him I loved him and I didn't want him to end up as road-pizza. So I drove him.

I'm a sucker for young love.

We survived the Giant Rat Pizza Company trip. Although several friends offered to buy me free counseling sessions when they found out who I was taking. My girls have some friends who are different. Sweet...but rowdy, you know.
Anyway, it was all worth it when we got home and #3 comes up to me with a big toothy grin and a hug, "MOM, that was the BEST DAY EVER!"

Sorry I haven't been posting much lately. Now that I am a "lady of leisure" I have to vie for my computer time. Anybody got an old computer they want to donate to the Single Mother's Sanity fund?

Future Academy Award Winner

#4 just cracks me up sometimes.

OK, every day.

First off, we had a sweet little party for her at her daycare providers' house. I figured, the provider (L) would have to pack up 5 kids and bring them to my house for a party...whereas I only had one other kid coming. So I decided to make it easier for her and we just had the fun there at her place; plus it's all kid-proof and stuff, you know.

Which is a very good thing.

Anyway, I digress. We had a teddybear picnic. Thank God for the Dollar store! 12 inch teddy bears for a buck apiece! Each kid went home with a bear. And we had lunchables. And a pinata. It was rather eventful...the unicorn pinata's head came off. So I got the kids all ready...held the horse body over my head and shook all the treats out the decapitated neck. Kinda disgusting, I guess, but the kids didn't mind.

Then we had cupcakes. And played with playdough. MG said I looked like I was having as much fun with the dough as the kids. But...you know...they all want you to "make" them something. And I can't say "No", can I? Hmmmm?

Then we took #4 and let her get a haircut. She's been complaining that "Evewy body ewse in the famiwy" has short hair. Except her. It's a tragedy!

Well, let me tell you what. Mommy felt like it was a tragedy to watch those dark, silky waist-length ringlets fall to the floor at Great Clips, THAT'S for sure!! I had to look away. My eyes were misting up.
It's not short-short, just shoulder length. LOTS easier to brush. And she looks SO grown up. Now that she's all FIVE, you know. :D LOL!!

But last night I was treated to a fashion show. Now that the girls' room is 3/4 clean and you can actually walk on the floor in there. It's a good thing. So they got into the closet. And I had three girls struttin' the catwalk. One round of fancy dresses, one round of sport outfits and one round of bathing suits.

Gotta have the swimsuit competition, of course. Aaaah!

And then, after appropriate applause, the three girls decide we must have a winner.
I don't know WHERE they get this stuff! Cuz I do NOT watch beauty pageants. Ever!! But I did have #2 in one when she was 4. So maybe she remembers and taught the others. I don't know. Have I corrupted my children?
ANYWAY...after Mommy REFUSING to choose (with the infamous line "You're ALL beautiful to me!") they decided scientifically.

Eeny Meeny Miney Mo!

And they let #4 win the little half-broken soccer trophy. And she's squealing and jumping up and down. I half expected her to start crying.
But she doesn't. And after appropriate congratulations from the big sisters, she bows a couple of times saying "Thank you, Thank you vewy Mush!"

Is that Elvis?

Then she says, "Mom, you know what?"

And you always have to answer "No, What?" to THAT question!

So here comes the Academy Awards speech.

"Mom, Jesus made me win!"

I think I must be doing something right.

How can I pick just one? CHBM #21

Howdy, Crazy Hip Blog Mama Readers and friends!

Hope yer havin' an awesome week. Mine has been the same-ole-same-ole. If you don't count sick kids ~ which I don't. Cuz when you have four, someone is always sick. And if they aren't, they're faking it so they can get out of going to school.

Anyways...This weeks' Carnival topic is "Funniest Parenting Moment".

Ummm, "moment"? as in SINGULAR? Like, I, Uhhh, have to narrow it down to ONE?

I think that's pert near impossible.

Sorry.

Well, ok, not really. But here's SOME of my favorites...

#4 - this morning, playing with some dice she found. Overheard "Come-on BABY, Mama needs a new paira shoes!" The child must remember EVERYTHING she hears, I swear!

#4 again - after a long day...comes trudging out of her room wearing a t-shirt and undies.

"MOM, I'm tired! I want to go to bed! And...I HAVE A WEDGIE!"

As you'll be able to tell from this post, #4 is pretty much the comic relief around our house.

There's the Kowawa Poop story.
And the Biology Lesson.

Oooo, here's a good one. #1 (when he was about 4) had a hard time saying his "R's" as alot of little kids do. And we're driving down the road, singing along to the Little People Kid's Songs tape. And I realize, from the back seat, I'm hearing..."If you're happy and you know it CRAP your hands - Crap, Crap!"

He couldn't understand why mommy had to pull over because she was hyperventilating.

How about the time I was watching a friend's two little boys ~ the five little ones get into a package of pads, open ALL (yes ALL) of those little individual packages, peeled off the sticky strips and covered the entertainment center.

Now that I've got you rolling on the floor laughing, I'll share this one with you. I don't think I've blogged about it before. It's funny NOW...

Although it was definitely NOT funny when it happened.

**DISCLAIMER, I did NOT kill ANYONE. So that's a good thing.

I'm about 6 months pregnant and the oldest has a school program. So, because Exhubby NEVER goes to "these things", I figure I might as well leave the two little girls home with him.

Right.

Came home one hour later to find the biggest mess I have ever seen. In my life. Ever.

Visualize this...

Bottom layer - stuffed animals. About 20 of them. In a heap. Mostly WHITE.

Layer 2 - Trix Yogurt. I didn't know she knew how to open the refrigerator, much less peel open those little containers of yogurt. Several of them. Hot pink and electric yellow. High sugar content. Yep.

Layer 3 - Neosporin. Turns out she could climb to the fireplace mantle as well.

Layer 4 - Straw from Mommy's decorative scarecrow. Which is no longer decorative. Or a scarecrow. He's simply a pile of clothing and a hat. Mixed in..with the Neosporin and Yogurt.

Layer 5 - Laundry. That an hour ago was CLEAN.

Layer 6 - two small girls, ages 3 and 4. Just reveling...

If that dear ole exhubby would have been a paid babysitter, I would have fired his hiney on the spot. I noticed he did spend the rest of the evening out in the garage...

do you think he might have been HIDING? :D

Can't wait to read the other posts on this one. Should be a belly-laughin' good time. Come check it out!

Want some cheese with that WHINE?

Good Morning, Friends and neighbors!

Well, my weekend is over and the work week begins.

I believe it should be against the law to operate any non-emergency business 24 hours a day. People should sleep. 4am is just TOO DERN early to get up!

Especially when you have three kids with colds who have coughed all night long.

OK, I know, I know...

But I'm a mommy ~ and a blogger ~ and a woman. Therefore, I do complain a little.

Ooooo, and then there's number 4 child.

You're laying there, half in laa-laa land, and you feel someone staring at you.

YAH! You moms know the feeling.

Anyway, you open your eyes and it's about 6 inches away from your face trying to see if you're asleep in the dark. Then, VERY LOUDLY...

"MOM! I HAVE A PWOBWEM!"
Shhhhhhh

"I CAN'T SWEEP!"

Now, this was probably the wrong thing to do, but my sluggish brain wasn't working well at the moment.

And at this hour of the morning...with her talking SO LOUDLY...Every sentence I uttered started with "Shhhhhh!"

Cuz' I just got the other three to sleep after a round of medication.

So I've got medication on the brain...

"Shhhhh, will you go to sleep if I get you a pill?"

"YAH! I WANT A RED ONE!"

"Shhhh, OK, go get back in bed and I'll bring you one."

"OK, MOMMY!"

"Shhhhhhhh!!"
And I go raid the children's Tylenol MeltAways.

I was out of Benadryl.

I only gave her one.

It won't hurt her. Seriously!

Ummmm, Yah. Turn in my Mommy License for the fourth or four-hundredth time.

But I got about 30 more minutes of sleep before the alarm went off. :D

Another #4 Funny - Kowawa poop

A little history here. #4 has this sudden and all-encompassing passion for Koala bears. Koala Movies, Koala books, stuffed Koala bear puppet she drags EVERYWHERE!

So on to the story....

This afternoon, I was on the phone trying to pay a bill when MG's internal 5-year-old took over his body and he grabbed #4's favorite bear away from her and THREW it across the room. She squeals and hollers, "My Bear!" ~ Runs over, scoops it up and loves it like it's the end of the world.

So MG says "Ooooh, Come here! Let me see" and she falls for it! Comes walkin' over to him...YEP, you guessed it! He DOES IT AGAIN!

More screaming, wailing and gnashing of teeth.

So I cover the receiver and am just about to say "AWRIGHT you two! Knock it off!" when she holds the bear up, aims it's "bear" behind at MG and in this menacing, 4-year-old, dirty-harry voice says...

"OK, DAT'S IT! Taste Kowawa Poop!"

As MG and I are rolling on the floor laughing hysterically, she's going "What? What'd I do?" AaaaaH! ROFL!

I know I should have said something maternal like "Don't talk about poop" or "show respect"...but to tell you the truth, I couldn't talk.

Where does she GET this stuff?!? Turn in my Mommy License again!

Koala POOP! It's still making me giggle...Bad mommy!! Bad, bad mommy!

Hee hee hee!

American Mothers?

Curiouser and curiouser!
I was just cruising around the internet and discvered college-level classes in mothering at American Mothers, Inc.
Now, I haven't completely checked it out...yet. But I've been thinking of going back to school. Even took placement tests last week. Now I'm working on financial aid stuff.
ANYWAY, I digress.
Tell me what YOU think! College for Mom. They even send you a certificate of completion!
"After accomplishing the outlined program, you will be recognized by American Mothers, Inc. (AMI) with a Certificate of Achievement."
This website seems to have a good purpose; I originally looked it up because it was featured in the Readers' Digest as a place Moms could go to enter competitions and win cash prizes. And, like I said, financial aid...college...
Yes, it's there under "Service Programs".
" AMI is an interfaith, non-political, non-profit organization for women and men who identify with our Purpose of strengthening the moral and spiritual foundations of the family and the home. AMI is dedicated to continuing its 68-year pledge to promote these age-old values and principles upon which America was founded. The fracturing of family life can be resisted and altered. AMI stands ready to help the nation rededicate itself to its family commitments."
Wow. Have you heard of them before? Share, share!!

Biology according to my children

I like biology. Always excelled in biology classes in high school. Even took advanced biology. Was planning on going to college to be a Marine Biologist.

But my kids gave me some lessons in biology this morning on the way to school. Maybe they just seemed odd-slash-funny because it's morning...and ya'll know how I am about mornings.

#4 - "Mom, I looked at Alyssa yesterday and you know what? Her eyes were blue! So I told her 'Drink some milk and your eyes will go back to normal'. "

"Really?"

"Yah! Didn't you know that?"

Normal must be brown cuz that's what color all my kids eyes are. However, mine are blue. Does that mean I'm not normal. OH NO! They've discovered my secret! :D

#1 this time - "Mom, I have three mutations.

"Oh. My." Do I wanna hear this?

"Yep! Number one, I can only breathe out of one nostril at a time but the good news is that I have an extra-sensitive sense of smell."

"Ummm, wow. I guess."

Yah! Then number two is that did you know if I keep this eye closed for awhile then open it up I can only see blue out of that eye and red out of the other one?

"Interesting!"

The third one is that I have selective hearing."

"No KIDDING! And my voice is one of the things you CAN'T hear! Finally, NOW I know what the problem is!"

"Muuuutheeer!"

WELL!

#4 again - "Do Chinchilla's bite?"

"Sometimes, I guess."

Well, I want to have a Chinchilla when I grow up."

"That's fine sweety." It is morning, after all. I can't get too excited here.

"Yah! And you know what? Hamsters evolve into Chinchillas! And Chincillas marry hamsters, too.

"WHERE did you learn THAT?!?!" **Big smile from the back seat**

Is this child only FOUR? Where did she learn the word "Chinchilla"? And the concept of Evolving? I think I've got three words to describe this....Too. Much. Television!

You know what, I must have missed that semester about chinchillas and eye color and all that stuff. Then again, maybe it's just because it's a morning.

Because I don't do mornings.

Just in case I forgot to tell you.

Then again, I may have misunderstood because I'm just half asleep that way. Like this phrase I also heard this morning.

"Mom, when I fart, my leg swells up."

"WHAT?!?!"

"I SAID, I want to be a fireman when I grow up!"

Oh!

Okay.

I'm cleaning out my ears when I get home.

Or maybe I'll just go back to bed.

**GRIN**

Haven't been this low in a long time

Maybe I've got PMS.
Maybe I'm under attack.
Maybe I'm tired.
Maybe I'm depressed.

Today was one of the worst days I've experienced since Ray was arrested. Felt useless, good for nothing. Like nobody needed me. Hopeless. I just keep messing up so what's the point?

My head knows that my kids need me and love me. My head knows that the way I was feeling was bogus.

But I couldn't seem to communicate that to the rest of my body. My heart was heavy. I wandered around in a daze. Made some soup. Took a nap.

The kids were wonderful. Had a couple of little spats, but nothing major. Just played happily with their gifts.

I was in laying on my bed just staring into space and #4 came in chattering away. She was wearing her new sweater with the hot-pink faux leopard collar and sporting a purple Dora hat and matching mittens.
I looked at her sweet little face, "Mommy really needs a hug."
She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed tight.
Then she backs up some, puts her hands on her hips and says, "You know what that was, don't you? That was a CHRISTMAS hug!"

I couldn't answer...my eyes were overflowing.

Christmas hug, indeed.

Just what Mommy needed.

Mommy needs prayers as well, if you don't mind.

I am SUCH a ding-dong!

Here I was, all torqued out of shape because I couldn't find just that thing my four year old wanted. Settled for something else. Felt guilt.

I forgot the number one rule of parenthood.

If said gift recipient is under the age of 5, 90% of the time, they will find the box a more attractive plaything that what you actually got for them.

She spent most of the afternoon playing with a little red rubber ball that decorated one of her packages.

Why did I even bother? **Sigh**

It's ok, though. At least she was happy as a little clam at high tide!!

The others were, too. We had our Celebration early cuz mommy has to work. So other than stockings, our holiday is pretty much over.
It was good. Really.

Here's hoping your Holiday is full of Peace and Joy.

T.T. #11 - In honor of my mommy friends...

Thirteen things my kids do that bug the crud out of me...

Which is kind of a good thing because today there's LOTS of crud hanging out in here.

**disclaimer...don't read this if you are eating or have a weak stomach.

1) Say "Momma, Momma, Momma, Momma"...I say "WHAT?!?!" "nothin'. I forgot." Aaaarrgh.

2) Boogers...need I say more?

3) Clothes so thick on the bedroom floor that one cannot see what color the carpet is.

4) Relating embarrassing stories in the most compromising places. #3 was home to go to her counselor's for an appointment. MG and I were roughhousing and he slid his hand down the back of my jeans threatening to give me a wedgie. So #3 goes to the counselor and tells her "Yah, MG had his hand in my mother's underwear!" OH WOW. You should have seen her eyebrows merge with her hairline!

I'm still not sure she believes me.

5) Attitudes - huffing and eye-rolling when you ask them to do something.

6) Taking about 6 bites out of an apple...then leaving it somewhere for me to find next week.

7) Sheer volume. #3 has one noise level...ULTRA LOUD. Been that way since she was born. One time, ex hubby couldn't stand it anymore and he got out of the van on a back country road 40 miles from home and said he was going to walk. In the rain. I gave him one warning "I'm not coming back to get you!"
Then I drove away. My uncle is a mail carrier...he stopped to pick him up and brought him home. He apologized.

8) They feel the need to use the potty EVERY WHERE we go...no matter how GROSS it is.

9) Whining through the nose. #2 usually accompanies the whine with a dropping to the floor and throwing her head back. Ummmmm...Yah. Extreme self control needed not to murder her whenever she does it. It just pushes my button bigtime!

10) When someone knocks on the door, the stampede scares away all but the bravest visitors. They ALL feel they need to see who it is.
Like whoever gets there first might LIE or something.
I don't know.

11) #4 HAS to open the front door whenever we get home. As soon as the car is thrown into park, the whining and fussing starts. She sits in the middle of the back seat in a booster, so as everyone is getting out, she is starting to freak...louder and louder. Don't know quite how to fix this; Should I LET her do it, or tell her no from now on. It's been going on for months. Her one little bit of control in life, I guess.

12) Bringing up their dad. Not every day, but at least twice a week. I know WHY they do it. But it doesn't make it any easier on our hearts.

13) Attempting to wear shorts, muscle shirts or tank tops in DECEMBER to school. I have patiently explained the concept of the State office to Children and Families' view on dressing your children appropriately. I don't think it helped much. They still try it.

Maybe they just like to watch my eyes bugg out and see the veins in my forehead bulge.

If you wanna see more Thursday Thirteens and/or start doing some yourself, check out www.thursdaythirteen.com