Need some positive thoughts right now...

I'm feeling pretty low, ya'll.
My friend Lawdog would probably say "Lower'n a snakes bellybutton" or something as Texanly coulorful.

I have about 5 Algebra assignments I have to have in by Thursday afternoon.
And another four Psychology assignments due Friday afternoon.
And a class Friday night and Saturday.
And a 16-yr-old's Cosmic Bowling Birthday Bash Saturday night.

I don't know how I'm going to do this or where I will find the energy.
I need prayers.
I need positive thoughts.

I need a wife...
Someone to help care for the kids and the house while I concentrate.

SIGH OK, I'll settle for the prayers. :D

Summer term starts tomorrow...

I have NO books and no money and cannot reach the financial aid office.
The possibility of getting behind the first week is stressing me out BIGTIME.

Prayers please?

For Maddie...

I have to confess I don't even know this precious little one.
But I felt I just HAD to pass this on.
I don't know why.

She passed away Tuesday. I DO know how I would feel if I were her mommy...

HELLLPPPP!

Dear friends...and whomever else stops by here.

I need help. I can't make a decision to save my life.
I have to decide where the rest of my life is going.
So many paths to choose, so little time.

Midwifery...I love it! awesome blessing and a fun way to make a living. Will probably take me another year...if not more. No health insurance, need to manage my own business. Most midwives I talk to say it is a "calling" for them; something they just KNEW they were born to do, more or less.
But it isn't that way for me. I enjoy it, yes. I think I could do a good job. But "called?" Not so much. Is a calling necessary? Am I missing out on an essential piece of the picture? I don't know.

Paramedics...Have two more months to go toward my EMT-Intermediate certification. I will be able to start IV's, push meds, evaluate a four-lead ekg and make a differential diagnosis. I enjoy it, yes. I think I could do a good job. But I don't have the "burning desire" to make this happen. And I would probably need to move in order to find a job in this field. My small town is volunteer only. **SIGH** However, over where Loverboy lives? I'd be the closest thing to a doctor for about 200 miles. Is THAT what I am supposed to do? Serve those communities that NEED me? Can I handle that much responsibility? I don't know.

Police dispatch...Got a wild hair and sent in my app to the State Police. Back in the mid-90's I did a limited duration stint as a SP dispatcher and call taker. I was pretty good at it, but I had an attitude then that wouldn't quit. Can I do this job again? I enjoyed it, yes. I think I could do a good job. Decent money, health insurance, union representation (which may or may not be a good thing), making a difference, supporting my kiddos. LOOOOONG hours (they are open 24/7 365 and being the newby, I will probably have to work all holidays and get stuck with a graveyard shift). Will I be able to do this job AND do the best for my children? I don't know.

Continuing my education...I can do this regardless. But probably wouldn't if I started working for SP. Not enough time in the day. Is having a college degree worth it to me? Will I be disappointing those who have invested so many prayers and so much confidence in me? Will I be able to get a better job if I hang in for awhile? Or should I take what I can get if I am actually OFFERED the SP dispatch position? I don't know.

I am tired. I can't make these decisions right now. And I won't be FORCED to decide until after the interviews and the testing required for the Dispatch position. IF they want me.

And where do my kids and my LB fit into all of this?

HELLLLLPPPP

Today was rough...

The first week of school is always tough.
But I sure could use some encouragement right about now.

One class that I need for my prereq's got cancelled. Not enough people registered. I'll have to catch it later...

One class I have to make a decision about the "right thing to do".
I want it...but should I? I can't lie about my hernia. It's not right.
But it's not right for me to have it either. It's not my fault. I didn't do anything wrong.
But two wrongs don't make a right.
It's just hard to give it up...

And I got another book in the mail...again, no name. So THANK YOU, THANK you my textbook angel.
Loverboy gets to go back to work after being laid off for a month. Which means he will be better off financially. And also means I can't see him much for about three months.

Hike up my big girl panties, I guess. I'll live.

So it you have a minute, Would you send me a "Rah, Rah", say a prayer for my needs and a praise to Him for my joys?
Thanks, my friends. I knew i could count on you.

Decisions, Decisions

LIfe has a way of getting complicated sometimes, doesn't it?
For a lady who detests making decisions, I shore nuff have gotten myself into a position where I need to make a ton of them.

Most of them have to do with my future with Loverboy. He lives clear across the state AND owns a home over there. So how can I expect him to walk away from that and come rent with me in my little trashy double wide?
Yet how can I ask my kids to leave everything they have ever known from the town they were born in and move across the state where our nearest relative would be three hours away?

Which actually might be a good thing. Considering my parents have decided the will not accept Loverboy into our family. They say they have had enough of my relationships and they don't even want to meet him. He isn't welcome. So I have to choose between spending holidays with the man I love or spending holidays with my family.

I hope ya'll know I'm just talking here...trying to get things straight in my head. If you want to keep reading, cool. If you want to venture an opinion, I am definitely open for guidance! If you would be kind enough to pray for me that I make the right decisions according to God's will for my family, I would SO appreciate that!

Option A - Staying here in Podunk...
Pros - I will continue college, continue with my midwifery apprenticeship, continue volunteering with the Podunk Rescue, pass my physical agility and become a reserve with the Podunk PD, Kids will be where they are familiar and comfortable.
Cons - Far away from LB's Dad who is very ill. LB will have to find a new job, LB loses his home equity and all his friends.

Option B - Moving to SEP (Smaller Eastern Podunk)...
Pros - own a home, be with LB, Be near LB's dad when he needs us, LB keeps his good job. New town to explore, new territory to learn from.
Cons - kids must Change schools, I would have to change my major as there is no Paramedic course at the local college there, OR I would have to go get a job. Find a new Midwife that would be willing to take me on as an assistant, find new doctors, dentists, etc. Basically, start all over again. For the third or fourth time...

When you look at the choices and weigh the pros and cons, the choice LOOKS simple, yet there is one thing to factor in.
The simple fact that WE LOVE LOVERBOY and want to be with him.

I also need some prayer for my health. The hernia that showed up under my surgical wound from April? Well, it's getting bigger. By the day. And the insurance won't pay for it unless it's an emergency. So I'm working on a couple different options to get around that; meanwhile, my guts just WILL NOT stay where they are supposed to. It's uncomfortable, embarrassing and makes me nervous that something will go wrong and I will end up IN THE E.R.! I wanted to get this repaired while I was on Winter break from college so I could be ready for the 15 credit hours of college classes I am signed up for starting January 5! Each day that passes makes that less and less likely. Makes me wish I had a credit card So I could Charge it, get it fixed and pay it off over time.Oh well, probably good that I don't. But I need God to work this one out quickly.

Well, think I may go take a nap as I keep nodding off here at the computer. Too much stress, not enough sleep and probably just a touch of depression.
...oh kay, a little more than a touch. :D

Thank you guys for listening. BIG HUGSp

Time Flies...

You know, Time DOES fly when you are having fun!
I have been up to SO much the last two months. And not all of it good. WINK
You all are going to think I'm totally random here, but I just have a minute or two to update cha'll!
First of all...I PASSED MY EMT BASIC EXAM! So now you are reading the blog of an official, honest-to-goodness, 100% bonafide, Nationally and state-wide certified Basic Emergency Medical Technician! A sweet little lady from church sent me a card. Got it yesterday. In spidery LOL (little old lady) handwriting, she told me how proud of me she was. And there was a HUGE paper medal inside that says "I DUN REAL GOOD!"
TOO FUNNY! and too sweet!
Was over at 5M4M and got an update on my precious friend Kelli. She needs a kidney. Badly. So we are asking everyone to please consider donating one of yours. All the info you need is on the link behind Kelli's name above. Just as a favor, at least go read it?
Now that I'm an EMT, I thought it only fair that I give law enforcement a fair and equal opportunity. So I am about half way through the hiring process at our local Podunk PD to serve as a reserve officer. I'm excited and scared at the same time. Next up is passing the physical agility testing...This may be the stopper...we'll see.
My mom is healing up well. She has severe osteoporosis which is making her bones brittle. So she has to be very careful. But she and I are a little at odds right now...
Because I've decided to accept a proposal of marriage.
I know, I know, I know. It's only been three months since I met him and six months since MG and I broke up (you remember, where I SWORE off men forever?) Ummmm Yah.
But God had other plans.
And he brought Loverboy into my life. The second question he asked me was how I felt about God. I am treated like a queen on her birthday! When I am with him, I don't carry a thing. I don't open a door...NAY, even touching a door handle is a sin. OK...just teasing. But he respects me, adores the kids and we are a team. Each time I have asked for blessing on this relationship, God has given it.
Yet there are those with their doubts.
So we are waiting...Till the end of next year. We have all the time in the world.
I'll share more about him later and update you on the kids...but right now I have to go pick them up at school! Gonna be late - YIKES!

Police, Prayers and Positive thinking

Hope you all are having a great weekend! I spent the morning doing something totally WILD!

I tested for Reserve Podunk PD officer. Aced the written, but the physical? Well, let's just say I was much less than spectacular. But it gives me something to shoot for and they retest every month. So I'm gonna go for it. It is something that ranks high on my "Bucket List" and the kids want to practice running the obstacle course with me, so HEY, kill several birds with one stone!

I wanted to ask your prayers today for a BRAVE little girl. She is in my #2's class at school. She has two pages that she keeps updated, one at My Life With God By My Side and a Caring Bridge page for Kennedy. My heart breaks for her mom, Dad and Brother...and for Kennedy herself. She says on her blog today that she is feeling lonely so let's surround her with God's love. I know how "lonely" feels and it's NO FUN!!

I'm doing good, ya'll. I still have my moments when life seems too big, but I can handle it now and am ready to face the challenge once again. Thank you for all your love and support during this crappy depression. It was so amazing to me how it could just sneak up and ambush me like that for no reason! Pretty Freaky! And it was weird to see how people handled it; the kids thought I was sick. One mentor woman at church was actually avoiding me...I think I scared her. I've had others distance themselves because I'm too "needy". My mom just had a hard time dealing with my stuff AND her own issues so she hasn't been over in quite awhile.

**NOTE HERE - Anyone who stopped reading my stuff because I was too dark or odd, I'm all done so you can come back now!!**

Working on building my "real life" friend base, too. It's coming along slowly but surely. But I now have several friends that I know face to face that I can call or text when I get lonely. Not relying so much on the ol' MG anymore. Which is good, cuz he only calls or texts when he needs something now. No sharing, talking, somedays I don't think he even reads the texts I send him. I miss him still.
ANYWAY, I now have D'Mom, Double E, The AltMan, Doc, Frankay, Barb and the Deputy stashed in my cell phone. Makes me smile just to see their names; I don't quite feel so alone anymore.

Well, gotta go clean the fish tank and set up my training course. Take care!

How it's goin' here...**UPDATE**

Well, I didn't do perfect on my state EMT certification yesterday...
But I didn't foul out, either.
I have to go back and re-do "trauma assessment" in about a month.
I think I forgot to treat for shock. DUH! That's what trauma is all about.
I'll do better next time. I watched some students foul out (flunking 3 out of the 6 stations and having to retake ALL the tests). I watched some ace it first time around...and several were in my catagory. "not quite there". Also known as "performance anxiety".

Got two home "sick" today. It's really amazing how they mysteriously "get well" about 9am. I know, I know...but the minute you DON'T believe them and force them to go to school, you get a call about an hour later that they hosed the school nurse (also known as the school secretary, the school crossing guard, the school attendance lady, the school cashier, the copy lady and the principals executive secretary...I live in a small town remember?). I have seen this poor womans' face when this happens and you can tell that right at that moment, she just really would rather move to Hawaii and never see another child as long as she lives.
I wouldn't want her job. She qualifies for sainthood...

Getting behind already in my Chemistry, Algebra AND Medical terminology 2. You'd think I could keep up in at least ONE subject. But not me, I like to live dangerously. Plus I still haven't found an algebra book that costs less than $110. Highway robbery!!
Don't have an excuse for being behind except for the biopsy, the all day EMT basic testing, four kids, housework, coffee with a friend, creating a powerpoint presentation for church worship, rewiring and replacing my washer and drier and, OH WAIT, Sleeping!
That's ok, I'll hit it hard and get caught up by the end of the week.
Should also know if I have cancer by the end of the week.
Funny thing is, I don't really care! God has taken such good care of me. How could I not trust Him with this, as well. If it happens, He will get me through. It's an easy type to "get rid of" - not like my friend "Especially Heather" or the kidney failure dear Kelly is going through.
And, as long as we are discussing health challenges, please pray for my friend Debbie. She sings with me on praise team and is a daycare provider. SWEEEEEEETEST woman you have ever known. She had a bought with breast cancer last year. Beat it! All her hair grew back fluffy, blonde and curly.
Then the hip pain started. Had some tests. Discovered spots on her sternum, pelvis and one femur. She is heartbroken. There will be some more tests this week, but it looks like bone cancer. She and I are almost the same age. She has two kids in college. My heart grieves for her. So lets' wrap her up in the love of God. She needs courage and strength.
Thanks, my friends, for all your prayers. "Where two or three are gathered, there am I in the midst of them" He says. I think He smiles when we come together in prayer and take Him at His word.

Have a great week, ya'll. I'll write when I find out the "test results".

*************************************************************

Well, talked to the dr. this afternoon.
It's "kinda sorta" good news.
Not cancer, but not normal either. I guess there are three levels of abnormal...
minimal, moderate and severe and it seems I'm at moderate.

Moderately abnormal...that's me all over!

Anyway, I digress. Minimal is when they just leave it alone and "follow up" in a year.
Moderate is when they do something about it, such as resection and/or cryosurgery.

You know, I have that tub*l lig*tion actually scheduled for the 18th still. I'm supposed to call the "specialist" tomorrow to discuss options and I may just request he take it out as long as he's in that general vicinity and I'm done with the procreation anyways. IF the insurance will cover it and IF he'll do it and IF it would be for the best.

I'm leaving it up to God to work out His way. I'm just glad they found it before we went into the "severe" stage, ya' know what I'm sayin'!?!

Asking for prayer...

Gotta start classes on Monday...
And I need books. I used my book money to pay off my tuition so I could register for this term.
I'm not asking for money, friends. NO WAY. Please don't!

I'm asking for prayers. That God would provide in His special way.
Prayers that I would stick to minimal spending on the first when my funds come in so that I can survive the month.
prayers that I would be able to pay my bills.
prayers that I will be strong and courageous.
Prayers that my clothes washer will work right. It's been messing up.
Prayers that my thoughts will be focused on what is good and profitable and productive.
Prayers that I will make the right decisions and not worry about the future, but allow God to provide.

Thank you, friends. You are all in my prayers as well.
Gonna go take a shower and get ready for the day. Think I'll sew curtains for #4's kindergarten classroom.

What should I do?

I can't remember if I've written about this before, but time is drawing close and I need some input. So if you have any ideas or just want to express your views, I'm open for discussion here.

I'm scheduled for a Tub*l Liga*ion. No more babies.
I have four. I should be happy. So why am I vascillating? Why am I even considering doing this?

Pros:
No more quarterly shots and the emotional gak that comes with that.
No more having to worry about the impact of another child on my life.
Freedom to not even consider the possibility of a baby.
I can't support four kids, how in the world would I think I could support 5?

Cons:
I would love to have another baby...I just have no one to have one with.
Having another baby at 41 is rolling the dice for Down's and other birth defects.
My dreams of being a midwife would be put on hold for another five years until this one got big enough. I would be close to 50 by then.
I've never been pregnant when anyone could actually tell I was pregnant. All my pregnancies were done at over 400 lb.s.

Am I being selfish? Am I simply afraid of the loss of something I worked very hard to gain? Am I equating "ability to bear children" with "being a whole woman"?
What am I thinking? The scary part is that I don't know! I should be sure if I'm going to do this thing. It's permanent.
Or should I just be "reasonably sure" and know that it's the right thing to do, even if it breaks my heart?

Any ideas?

Definitely nothing...BUT

Well, got the ultrasound results and I wanted to thank you all for your prayers. Cuz they WORKED. When we got the ultrasound report, there was NO MASS. None. At all. As in "Nothing There!"

The doctor couldn't explain it.
But I can. :D Prayer works, that's what!

But now I need some more. I'm sorry for being "needy", but this kinda stuff happens.
Got a call from the doctor this morning. He left a message that something was up with my yearly test.
Man, I HATE it when they do that! Now I have to stew about it till he calls back after 5pm. BLECH!

Again, it's probably nothing...

Probably nothing...

Had to go to the doctor today for my yearly you-know-what. He was really nice as I begged for my monthly shot early because I feel like crying 24/7. And everything went really well through the upper exam and the internal scraping part.

THEN we get to the "feeling around" part and he mashes...and mashes...and mashes. "Well, there is something on the left side that I don't feel comfortable with. Let's get you in for an ultrasound."

WHAT does that mean? And WHY do I feel this lump of panic just below my voice box?

The Ultrasound is Friday morning. So pray really hard until then, OK?

Mainly pray that I can remain calm and take this all in stride. After all, it's probably nothing....RIGHT?!?!

Prayer request

I'm taking a class right now that is difficult for me. One of my electives for the degree I am working toward. Death and Dying is a subject that no one ENJOYS thinking about.
I had to do a report on one of a given list of subjects.
I chose Organ Donation. Did you know that there are FIVE organs you can donate while LIVING and allow someone else a chance at life? Incredible how God has created our bodies.
This subject is near to my heart because a blog friend Kelli needs a kidney. Even if you don't feel led to put your name on a list to donate your organs, please keep her in your prayers. I'd be scared silly if I were in her shoes.

Anyone have any idea what I'm supposed to do now?

R. I. P.

I don't know what to do. It won't start. It was my only transportation. My credit is insufficient to finance a car and I have no money. All I can do is sit here and cry. I just don't know what to do.

Except pray.

I have to go walk to the Elementary school now and "pick up" my girls.

Please, God, don't let it rain on us. Just give me that at least.

Extra! Extra! Read all about it...

My beautiful #3 had to get glasses. She's all up for it, so I guess that's good! And our insurance paid 100% which is VERY good! And Mommy had to get new glasses. Cuz mine were kinda trashed (scratched and held together with a chunk of paper clip). I also needed a stronger prescription...but no bifocals yet, thank goodness! It only took me about 43 tries with the cell phone to get a picture of myself. My hair is too long and my eyebrows are too thick. But, HEY, that's me all over!

EMT lab day yesterday. Always just WIPEs me out! Grabbed chicken at the local grocery for dinner. Too beat to cook. And we practiced Epinephrine injections on eachother. GAG. with sterile water, of course. Learned about activated charcoal administration, nitro, glucose gel, aspirin and all the other fun pharmacological things they let EMT's do now adays.

#4 tried to do a sleepover tonight but didn't even make it till 7pm before she called me sobbing. She has had "mommy-itis" severely the last two weeks. Poor bug.

My mom gave me the idea of making a Thanksgiving tree. So I got out a big piece of paper, drew a tree trunk on it and cut out some paper leaves. Each kiddo gets to write something they are thankful for every day till Thanksgiving and paste their leaf to the tree. Then we'll give it to Gramma at Dinner.
So I ask #4..."What are you thankful for, sweety?"
"Well, Mom, I am just SO thankful that I am cute!"

Really now.
Yes, I wrote it on the leaf. Along with her name. Like we wouldn't' know who said it.

This is going to be a long week. The girls don't have school at all.
I need to memorize at least 3 minutes of some piece of Americana (whatever THAT is) for speech class in two weeks.
Only two weeks till a final in Algebra. Aaaaagh!
And my truck is barely running. Please pray for my car situation. It looks like I am going to have to drive LOTS more next term for school and I don't know how I will swing it with this rig. I know God has a plan and I'm trying to trust and not stress about it.

Trying. Not succeeding much. **Smiles**
Just in case I don't see you before Thursday...
Have a blessed week, my friends. I wish you a peaceful holiday.

Expelled!

First day of school and I get expelled already.

All JAZZED up...first day of class.
We sit down. The instructor makes me change seats because she doesn't like where I'm sitting. Fill out papers.
Introduce ourselves.
Listen to her tell about herself.
Then, "Oh, by the way, if you aren't a Fire Student, you can't take this class."
I have to pick one of the other two classes.

Either Tuesday and Thursday DAYS...
Which will mean I have to put #4 in daycare because she only goes to Kindergarten Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
WHICH is WHY I picked THAT class in the first place.

OR I can go Tuesday and Thursday NIGHTS. With a lab day every other Saturday.
Which means I have to find someone to stay with all of them two nights a week.

AAAAaaarggghhhh!
I've spent two weeks working out this schedule. Figuring out which kids would go where what days and where I needed to be.
One instructor decides I can't take THAT class and
F L U S H
DOWN the toilet it all goes.

God will work this out.
I know. I trust him.

But I can't believe I got expelled from class the FIRST day of school.

Now what am I gonna do!?!
Please pray that I make the right decision for my kids and for our future.
I'm leaning toward the night class, but I need to find someone I can trust to stay with them.

Sigh.

Is the Coffee ready yet?

I hate getting up early. 5:15 am. YERK!
So why do I do it...I don't know. I get woke up by something - this morning it was CMT videos blaring from #1's room. Don't know how long they had been on that loud, but he's dead asleep.
And Mom's hypersensitive. So I can't go back to sleep.
I'm up.
Reading my email and blogging.
And listening to the mice alternately running in the little exercise wheel and beating each other up.
Watching my fav news channel.
Not LISTENING, just watching. You know, cuz' I really don't want to wake anyone else up and deal with another human just yet.
I am not a morning person. AT ALL. Understatement of the century.

AAAhhhhh, the coffee's ready! Sweet elixir of life!
Except I don't know WHY they have to make the coffee maker BEEP 5 times to let me know it's done.
It's not like I haven't been toddling in there every two minutes waiting for the pot to fill.
Yes, I have one of those ones that stops dripping so you can grab a cup. But, you know, it just doesn't taste the same.

Call me weird.

Just a wild hair, but I was watching this "Public Service Announcement" on our local TV station about water. "Drink a gallon a day, boil your water, conserve water, store water in several clean gallon containers 'just in case'". Give us the drill. Stuff we all know we should do but don't.
Then, just as he finishes boiling the water to, YOU know, KILL the GERMS, he reminds us to make sure our pets have fresh water and PLOPS HIS DOG UP ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER!
Am I the only one who sees something wrong with that?

Anyway, I forgot to tell you a couple of funnies from our trip Saturday. I was kinda stuck in Melancholy Mode on that last post.
Sorry.

It wasn't number 4 this time, either. #3 was just popping up with the one liners and cracking us up.
I got her quilt top done yesterday, by the way. FINALLY. It didn't turn out like I wanted it to, but it's not too bad, really. I'll post a picture later. And it's like MG said, "#3 doesn't care! She's just glad you got the thing done!"
Cuz he's sweet like that.

Anyway...We are driving to the coast and somebody has to tinkle. Sorry for the crudeness, but it always happens, you know.
Thankfully the person with the urgency was male, so I just whipped the truck up a logging road, found a turn-out and they hopped out.
Cuz guys can do that. I've always been jealous.
He hops back in the truck and #3 says,
"Well! The deed is done!"

I don't know why that struck me as funny but I giggled till my eyes watered.

Then she asks "Mom, what is a PooBah?"
Heard it on Spongebob Squarepants.
I know what it is because I'm smart like that. And I used to call my Papaw "The Grand Poobah" when he would order us to fetch him drinks. He was not a nice man.
WOW, I'm chasing rabbits this morning.
We explain to her that it is a title for a "head honcho" - as in the head of the Great Order of the Horned Animals. MG says "Yah! Like me! I'm the head honcho of this outfit!"
She pipes up....
"Nope! your the grand PooP-Bah".

Laughed so hard I had to pull the rig over and breathe for a minute.

I don't know if he thought it was quite that funny.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, I was thinking of rejoining the Psalm Sunday, but I've found it difficult. I read Psalm 45 and it was a happy one, for sure. Made me think of "Pretty Woman" and the "Knight in Shining Armour" philosophy.
But that's it.
Nothing else came to me.
So I'll go read other people's posts and try again next week.

Hmmm, if you have a sec would you whisper a prayer for me today. I have a hard job I have to do.

Daily stuff

Just a day...like any other day.
Well, except I didn't have anything to do today.

Wierd.

No "Volunteer Work Experience" for DHS.
No birth assisting.
No class or meeting or counseling session (although I did have two yesterday).

And it was a really good thing. Because I was purty much comatose today.
Heard a crash at 11p. Must have been something outside, because I got up and checked the house.
Because it could have been the **GULP** mice, you know.

Had a bad dream at 1a. Woke up screaming and panting because a tidal wave was coming and although I had my arms around three of my kiddos, I could hear one calling me and I couldn't find her.

Went back to sleep at 3. FINALLY.

#4 has a stuffy nose. Ummmm, yah. So she woke me up at 3:27a. I know, cuz I looked at the clock and wondered how long I had actually been asleep.

Then the alarm went off at 6. So I shut it off and went back to sleep till 7.

Needless to say, my nights' sleep leaves much to be desired.
But I shouldn't complain.
After doing prenatals on mommies who can't sleep for their bellies being so huge...
or postnatal checks on mommies who have to breastfeed every two hours, I DEFINITELY feel grateful.

Cuz I have a chance to sleep tonight.

It's kinda weird around her. MG is usually here with me in the evenings. But he went out and got a swing-shift job. SO I'm blogging...because I have no adults to talk to.
It is cool hanging out with the kids. We've read books, played on the computer...
I did the dishes and made a roast with potatoes and carrots and biscuits for dinner.

I should enjoy it while it lasts. Cuz I was making up my schedule for the next month. And a day like this won't happen again till about the 11th of October.

Oh...Did I mention my birthday is coming up soon?
Seems just yesterday I was 40 -

Hmmmm, what to do....
I think I'll go put away some laundry and maybe work on #3's dragon quilt. Then it's back to the grind tomorrow.

Can I share a verse with you?
Found it in my Women's Devotional bible 2 this morning at 2a when I was trying desperately to calm my mind.

"Rest, my Soul, for the Lord has been good to you!" Paraphrase on Psalm 116:7

And He has. Abundantly.

Please pray for my mom. She fell a few days ago and busted her face in the parking lot at Rite Aid. Stitches in her lip. Two black eyes. Banged up swollen knee. Thinks she broke a tooth.
Ask for speedy healing. Doctor says nothing serious; just gonna take some time.

Thanks, my friends.

Impatient Child

Went to my second birthing last night. I was the assistant this time.

I think I'm a jinx or something. Both births I have gone to have not gone well.

Number one was a Csection after 30 hours of labor and last night, she just wasn't ready. We hung out for about 18 hours with only one cm of progression and then gave her permission to stop. She was trying so hard to go into labor but it wasn't time.

It was a great learning experience though! The midwife had to sleep for a few hours so she left me to monitor. WOW!

I used the Doppler to find the fetal hearttones and took vitals. It felt good to be trusted like that.

And SCARY, too.

And exhausting.

And I'm wishing I hadn't partaken of the 2am Taco Bell run - I think it's STILL sitting like a rock in my stomach.

Oh well. Hopefully when this mom seriously takes off, I'll be there. And finally get to assist at a birth.

Things are going well. My two classes are winding up. One finished, the other I have one lesson and the final. Had to do a research paper on Chlamydia of all things. YAK.

But I got an A on it. So that's good.

MG and I towed the little red car home. I put her up on Craigs List as is and she was sold for a few hundred within 24 hours to someone who collects SHO's. I was glad someone got her who could afford to fix her and take care of her.

Kinda lame to get sappy over a car.

I must have PMS cuz I'm sappy over just about everything anymore.

School starts in two weeks. We've started a "clean room" project and so far it seems to be working fairly well.

Told them they could have a mouse in a Habitrail if they kept the room clean for 30 days.

We are on day 10 and so far so good.

Everybody is healthy. Still waiting on word from the Degree Completion Program to see if I will be able to go to school full time or if I have to go back to work.

You know, as much as I WANT to go move forward with this path, my kids come first.

So whatever my God wants is fine with me. If I have to work and go part time, if I have to work and wait on my dream or if I can go for it now...it is up to Him.

So I wait. I must admit I am impatient sometimes. Just yesterday morning I found myself crying in prayer saying "I don't CARE what You choose, Father! You know the desires of my heart! Just please, PLEASE let me know. I am so tired of being patient." I'm such a Type-A personality; I hate not knowing, being unsecure and up-in-the-air. Arrgh! But God knows.

I know He knows, cuz I told Him. What a bratty child I am. :D

I think I need some coffee...

Thanks for the kind comments, my friends. It touches my heart to know that even when I don't write often right now, you are still there.

I also want to say thanks to Donetta
for this sweet gift. I am humbled and honored. You bless my heart!