Sunday, October 08, 2006

Light His Fire...

Have you ever re-read a book that you've read before because you felt you needed the information?

I read alot...mainly midwifery textbooks, but sometimes I read true crime or self help stuff. Have been known to read a Danielle Steele novel and some humorous writers like Patrick McManus or Robert Fulghum. And I definitely should read my Bible more. (Sorry, God!)

As you can tell, I'm not into fiction much.
Got into the garage last night trying to find some quilting books (just moved recently and haven't unpacked everything...yet. Maybe I won't). Anyway, I found a book that I haven't read in AGES, which is probably partially why my marriage broke up.

It's called "Light His Fire" by Ellen Kreidman. I highly recommend it! I guess she used to do seminars on this stuff (yes, she did a "Light Her Fire" too). So the books come packed with lots of great "Hey, this really worked for me!" stories.

Thought I might use some of her subject matter in my blogs as I re-read this. Mainly because this stuff is important! I'm SERIOUS!

I must admit, often I feel like an idiot as I read it. I know's common sense. It's the golden rule, for Petes' sake! But then why, OH WHY, don't I do it?

I don't know, either.

BUT the FUN part is trying the "Action Assignments" at the end of the chapters.


The first chapter is on appreciating your guy. One sentence in there was in I assume it's really important. See if you agree...

"Men fall in love because of the way THEY feel about THEMSELVES when they are with you!"

Big key here!! Make him feel good about himself and he will follow you like a puppy begging for more. It kinda makes men sound self-centered and simple. But hey! If it works, it works!

One point the chapter made (that I've learned the hard way) is that women go into a relationship saying "WOW, he's got SUCH potential. Just wait till I change this and this and he'll be JUST awesome. You won't even recognize him!" While MEN, on the other hand, go into a relationship saying "WOW, when I'm with her, I feel like a KING! I hope she NEVER changes. I always want to feel this way."

MG is always, always asking me not to ever change. He is really honest and upfront about how every relationship he's had has changed...and NEVER for the better. I'm not into change much myself, but I AM into moving forward; growing and learning together is essential. And I think there are certain things that couples need to work out. Not necessarily "change"...but if he could just STOP Leaving the kitchen sponge in the bottom of the sink! Aaaarggh!

Now what do you think? Should I just be grateful he does the dishes (and cooks and sweeps/mops the kitchen and...) and pick the sponge out from under whatever is in the sink myself? Or should I ask him AGAIN not to leave it in the sink because it drives me crazy?

I've made a vow with this relationship not to take him for granted ever. Yeah, sometimes I get tired of saying "Thanks" every day for what he does (especially when no one EVER thanked me for doing it when I was a stay-at-home-Mom!) But for JUST that reason and because my ex has told me that he felt totally inadequate in our relationship, I do it whether I am tired of it or not.

Because you just need to hear it sometimes, ya' know?

And it's like Ms. Kreidman pointed out in this chapter...if YOU don't make him feel "manly", King of the house, attractive, appreciated, etc. you can COUNT on the fact that some other chick WILL. YIKES. And as much as you have "speed bumps" in your relationship, you SURE would hate to lose him! Good guys are HARD to find. Trust me on this.

Been shoppin' for the last year. What's on the market when your almost 40 is REALLY SCARY!

And the rewards of making him feel good about himself? Try it and see. It may take a little time...but he'll notice. And respond. And you'll be happy with the response. WoooHoooo!

Ok, ok...back to the "action assignments". Try these this week...
A) Tell my mate how glad I am that he is part of my life and how lucky I am to have him!
B) Tell my mate that I love him just the way he is and that I wouldn't trade him for any other man in the world.
(Tip - if he says "Oh, yeah? What about Brad Pitt?" DO NOT FALL FOR THIS TRICK! You should say "Are you kidding? He doesn't hold a candle to you, baby!" It's kinda like when we ask them if we look fat in that dress...we both know their lying but it makes us feel good.)

I know when I do the above two things to MG, he gets this goofy smile on his face and his eyes twinkle. He says "I don't see it, but I'm glad you think so!" I can tell he loves it! Just eats that up!

Just a cute sidenote on this subject...when we were first dating and we would go shopping or out somewhere, he would wrap his arm around my waist, pull me up close and kiss me very firmly. I told him that I REALLY liked that. It made me feel feminine and made me feel like he was proud to be with me, that he wanted other guys to know I was "his". Told him that it gave me butterflies in my tummy. (I wasn't lying either!)
So guess what? Friday we went shopping (which is a B I G undertaking with 4 kids) and he kissed me in Grocery Outlet NO LESS than 10 times. Me like it!! WOW! Told him he makes me weak in the knees. You should have seen the little-boy grin on his face.

I like making him feel good about himself.

And I've noticed when I do it to HIM, he does it back. Last night, he told me several times how sexy I was. **BIG SMILE**BATS EYELASHES**

Sometimes, I know, it seems like alot of work. But if I want to make it with MG, the work's gotta be done!

I must admit the REWARDS are awesome. **wink, wink**

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