Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Not complainin'...I'm just sayin'...

I hope you all have a WONDERFUL and blessed New Year. I'm hoping and praying for LOTS of changes...the biggest of which would be being able to be with my fiance' LB.
The reasons we are apart seem silly to the teenager in me, but being responsible adults we find it necessary to pay bills, care for loved ones, be know, stuff like that.
Not complainin'...I'm just sayin'...

Went and got a food box today. I am always amazed at the odd things people DON'T buy in the store that end up at the food bank.
Not complainin'...I'm just sayin'...

For Instance -
Meatless Burger mix. By the way, there is a Warning on the label that says DO NOT ADD OIL. I never did figure out if that meant it would cause the patty mix to explode or simply increase the fat content to unhealthy levels.
Speaking of Patty Mix, there was a frozen brick of Hamburger patty mix. OK, the scary part is the word "Mix". Mix of...WHAT? beef and some other meat? Beef and various plant solids? OHhhhh my. I think I don't want to now.
A plastic container of bird feed. just LOOKS like bird food. It is really a blend of natural rices. I remember something like that when I was a kid. My dad called it "hot cereal". It was really a semi-cooked blend of various seeds and grains served in a warm state with brown sugar and milk. I swear to this DAY I can lift semi trucks with my mandibular muscles from the chewing required to get that "cereal" down my gullet. But at least I was "regular" from all that fiber!
2 dozen cartons of 1% milk came in a cardboard flat. Seems the local school district was shut down for an extra week and needed to get rid of the extra milk ordered for the school kids. The pull date on them was Dec 26th. Ummm, what's today?
There was a plastic bag with frozen vegies and broth. The little label said it was vegie soup. It actually didn't look half bad...for someone over the age of 18. My kids would take one look at that and go "EEewwwww! Gross, Mom."
There was a baggie of cooked mystery meat. But if you haven't had meat in actually didn't look half bad either.

Yah, like I said...I'm not complainin', I'm just sayin'...
So I'll save all that stuff and pass it on to someone who will use it. Except for the meatless patty mix. I might try that just out of curiosity.

There was some REALLY good stuff in the box that I was SO grateful a turkey, a pound of butter, alphabet pasta, spaghetti sauce, and a BIG bag of baking mix. Blessings, blessings, blessings when things are tight.

OK, that was the light hearted half of the post. The rest of this is pretty depressing, opinionated, sarcastic and snarky. So if you don't choose to read on, I'll understand.
Have a Happy New Year, Dear friend!

NOW, to my emotional dump site. I HAVE to get this out...

I did get a reprimand today at Podunk FD. I stopped by to see if anyone had found my stethoscope. It's a really cool purple one...and I guess it's my own fault for taking my OWN equipment on a call. But so far no one has found it. Maybe I left it at the last call I went on. But while I was looking, El Jeffe' called me into his office to let me know that I had been too vocal during calls. We are to take turns "managing the call" and directing the care. It doesn't matter if they forget something or don't notice something, I am to keep my mouth shut until I can ask the manager about it later. Do not ask the patient questions, Janean! Do not ask the patient questions. Gotta remember...gotta remember...
So I will. It's just my type A personality and perfectionism peaking through.
That and my lack of tact and intolerance for incompetence and my mothering attitude. I want to take care of each patient as if they were my child.
I'll have to work on that...

You know, they should make a special key or emoticon or color or code or something that indicates sarcasm.

Numbers Two and Three have decided to have a "slumber party" in the living room. Number four wants to sleep with me. Number one spent his own Christmas money to buy a bottle of Martinelli's Sparkling Cider so he could celebrate the new year. I think he's come out of his room about 23 times since 4pm to tell me he loves me. Maybe it's because he caught me crying earlier. For a kid who is six foot three and about 300, he sure does have a soft heart.
So I sit here on the computer and type. To keep from going crazy, you know. Or at least going COMPLETELY crazy. I think I'm pretty much halfway there.

Got an email from a sister. I can't repeat the language here but basically she criticized my parenting, my character, my faith, and my integrity. Because of LB.
In case I forgot to mention it, my parents, aunts, uncle and two of my siblings loathe LB, sight unseen.
They are viewing the situation through the lens of prejudice.
And you have to admit, I haven't always made the best choices when it comes to mates.
But to not even give him a chance? And to lump him in with the rest of his "kind" instead of operating under the teachings of the Jesus Christ they raised me to know and's just wrong.

I am going to take a stand. So I have agreed not to discuss Loverboy with them if they will refrain from trying to influence my children. If they want to explain their perspective, I can deal with that. I have explained mine to them in as neutral a way as possible.
I believe my kids have a right to make up their own minds about what is right and wrong, good and bad.

YUP, turn in my Mommy license. According to them anyway. And maybe I'm wrong on this. But I am going to take a stand. I hate that it is causing a rift in my family. I mean, I really hate it. But they don't even know him. They have never even seen his face. He has tried to talk to them and been hung up on. He sent them emails without response. So I continue to be kind, but firm.
No, I'm sorry, but prejudice is wrong. And I am disappointed. I never expected it from them.

All that to announce that we are going to visit them tomorrow. I wish with all my heart that I was heading to see LB. Maybe I will on Friday. But the kids want to see their grandparents. And I need to feel the ocean air I grew up with flow through my brain, unclench the knots in my shoulder muscles and listen to the sound of the waves wash through my heart until I am able, once again, to leave this huge pile of stress with my Heavenly Father.
I am so buried right now that I am finding it difficult to talk to Him. Heck, I'm finding it difficult to get out of bed. I have been doing alot of that "groaning" before the Lord, because I don't know what to say. I don't know how to fix everything. I don't even know where to look. I am desperate. I am scared to death.

And I think maybe I need some new medication.

God bless your new year. It HAS to get better than this.

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