Monday, March 03, 2014

Just ranting...

So I'd like to know what the fascination is with death and dying nowadays.
My kids use the phrase like it's nothing. "I'm going to kill you" or "I'd like to kill that person".
The stories they write are about death...
"The person killed half the dragon family so they went to hunt him down and, even though he said 'Sorry' they burned him up with fire."

What they don't get is that threatening to kill people - even if you don't mean it - is deeply frowned upon in the public school system lately.
And that means I get called by the school counselors, teachers and principals.

Yes, I talk to them.  Yes, they are good kids.  Yes, they understand the value of human life.
Apparently what they DON'T get is how to manage their mouths when they are angry.
Psalm 4:4 in the KJV says "Shake with anger but do not sin"...

I guess sometimes I wonder if it counts if you SAY it but would never actually DO it.
Then again, what do I know?  After several failed relationships and life circumstances that have blindsided me out of the blue, I have come to understand that I'm an extremely poor judge of character.  What if, someday, one of them does "it" - the unthinkable?
Is this how the parents of the kids from Columbine feel?  Kids in gangs who take other people's lives without a second thought? Do their parents look back and think "If only I'd seen this!  If only I'd done something."

This is WAY too deep.  What can I do except raise them the best I know and pray.
My son said the other day "You are an awesome mom - and an incredible dad, too."  It's tough being a single parent, especially after traumatic relationship fails.  Parenting kids with PTSD, OCD, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Hallucinations, SID and Aspergers while working full time is tough.
I don't know how anyone could do it without Someone to lean on.
Someone who has my back always.  Someone I can trust.
In the last couple of years, my best friend has passed away, my second best friend walked out on me to make a new life with my boyfriend. All of the guys in my life have decided I am not good enough because I don't have time for them.  I guess all that working and parenting stuff gets in the way of their fun.


But I know that God loves me.  I know He's there for me.  He has proven Himself over and over.  I'm honored and blessed and a daughter of the King of Kings.

I'm also lonely.  I wish God had physical arms to hold me when I cry.  An audible voice to remind me that He's here...He's got me...It'll be ok.

Sigh.  **Pulls up big girl panties**  time to get back to work...

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