Apparently, I haven't learned...

So, just in case I haven't mentioned it before, I'm a gastric bypass patient.  In July of 2005, I had a Roux-en-Y procedure done.  I weighed 430 lbs on the day of surgery.  Now I'm about 250.  It fluctuates...I've gotten back up as high as 335 but exercise and stress change my weight so easily now.
I am so very glad I don't weigh as much as I did...
and I am so blessed to know the joys of, once again, riding a bicycle, crossing my legs and buying jeans.
There are a few lingering side effects, however.
Chronic anemia, malnutrition, sagging skin...
The biggest challenge for me is Pernicious Anemia (aka B12 deficient anemia).
I went to my family doctor and told him I thought I was going insane.  I was angry all the time; super angry...unreasonably angry.  The fatigue was crippling; I worked and slept.
And you know how your tongue feels when you drink cocoa or coffee that's too hot? Yah, my mouth felt like that all the time.
From WebMD

Symptoms of Vitamin B12 Deficiency

A deficiency of vitamin B12 can lead to vitamin B12 deficiency anemia. A mild deficiency may cause only mild, if any, symptoms. But as the anemia worsens it may causes symptoms such as:

• weakness, tiredness or light-headedness  
• rapid heartbeat and breathing
• pale skin
• sore tongue
• easy bruising or bleeding, including bleeding gums
• stomach upset and weight loss
• diarrhea or constipation

If the deficiency is not corrected, it can damage the nerve cells. If this happens, vitamin B12 deficiency effects may include:

• tingling or numbness in fingers and toes
• difficulty walking
• mood changes or depression
• memory loss, disorientation, and dementia.

Yep...that pretty much describes me!  Now I have to get a shot every 30 days.  In fact, a normal dose didn't cut it.  I'm special...I get a double. When I tell people I am low on B12, they advise drops, vitamins, supplements.  They don't realize that I cannot absorb it.  The part of my body that performs that function has been disconnected.

The challenge lies in the fact that I keep FORGETTING to get the shot (maybe that memory loss, disorientation, dementia thing listed at the end).  I'm 3 weeks overdue at this point and am really hating the way I feel.  

That being said, I did have major abdominal surgery three weeks ago, so I was a little stressed over that and am still healing. But the entire mess has humbled me.  

I have control issues.  I don't like having to ask for help.  I don't like waiting for other people to do things....when I could just do it NOW.  

I just don't like it!

But then I think of all the times that God has waited on me and all the times that I have frustrated Him beyond comprehension by just "doing it myself"; not waiting on Him or waiting on His plan for my life.  Jumping in with both feet has gotten me into so many tough times and hurt my children's hearts in the process.  

So I just look at myself - having once again to live through this "life lesson" and think...

"will I ever learn?"