Thursday, February 05, 2009

Why life is like Slime and other things I wonder about...

I don't know how old you are.
But if you are anywhere as old as I am...You have to remember Slime. Used to come in a plastic garbage can. Sometimes you could get it with fake plastic chunks of garbage or rubber worms in it. It was usually green. My sister loved to hold it in her hand where you couldn't see it and then SNEEZE really loud.

you can see where this is going, can't you?

Well, the lovely green slime was almost impossible to hold on to. Just when you think you had it all contained, you'd discover a glob escaping between your ring and pinky fingers or dribbling down your arm.

And it's almost impossible to remove from carpeting.

I'm just saying...

ANYWAY, I don't know if you can still buy the stuff. I figured someone has probably sued the company that made it by now because their kid swallowed the stuff and his doodle was chartreuse for a week.
People get rich that way, you know.

But I think life is like that. Especially for me. JUST when I think I'm "gettin a handle on things" it ALL under control. Ridin the crest of the wave, hangin ten and at the top of my game.

SPLAT. the surfboard crashes and I wonder WHY in the WORLD didn't I turn around and see that shark sneakin up behind me.
PLOP. That little glob of ultra neon green slime plops on the carpet cuz I didn't realize it was escaping out the backside of my palm.

Just a note, if you'd like to know what that slime stuff looks like after it has set in it's little plastic can in your bottom dresser drawer for six months, give me a holler! I'll explain it in graphic detail.
And you can't rehydrate it either. I know, cuz I tried.

Something else I wonder...
  • WHY oh WHY do people think you can't see them as they are driving past you? It's like they think the windshield and side windows are one way glass! Please don't pick your nose of floss your teeth while you are driving. It grosses me out and I have to listen to the kids talk about boogers for the next 30 miles.
  • WHY does that little yellow warning light on the "Caution - Ice" sign blink 24/7/365? It could be summer and 100 degrees in the shade and that dumb light is still blinking!
  • WHY does the sign say "corner 45 mph" then about 30 feet later, there is a sign that says "speed limit - 35"? OK, will you all just MAKE UP YOUR MINDS?!?
  • Chocolate. WHY did God make it with so many calories? I'm gonna ask Him someday, you know. I'm expecting the government to make it a controlled substance any day now. Coffee will be a close second. Then I'll be a drug addict. It'll be sad. Please come bail me out of jail.
  • Have you ever (like ME) wondered WHY you get SO cold when you get tired? It's like my body says "Well, you won't lay down and rest, so we are just gonna go on cryogenic suspended animation and then you'll be FORCED to stop! BWWAAHAHAHA!" I swear I am sitting here FREEZING to death! Of course, I am pretty much beyond consciousness.
  • Why does writing make me feel better? Even when I don't write about what's wrong...just sitting down and tapping keys calms me and heals me. Mentors say that means I am SUPPOSED to be a writer. Funny, I thought I was leaning toward Midwife-slash-Paramedic...but what do I know? Maybe I'm just supposed to WRITE about being a midwife and a paramedic.
  • And I am REALLY wondering WHY I AM NOT IN BED? No one can answer that I guess I'd better go. It's pretty bad when your almost-fifteen year old SON comes out and says "MOTHER! PLEASE Go To Bed NOW! You are damaging the keyboard everytime your nose hits it!"
To be cont'd...

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