Things I have noticed...

Judge me not, people.  But here's some things I have noticed in the last few weeks of being the lone parent of a teenage crew.

They eat ALOT.  I work till 6p, cook dinner, do dishes and I notice that the majority of these dishes did not come from dinner.  I think they are eating in the middle of the night.  Seriously!

I must pick my battles.  I don't have the energy for every battle.  We have a chore chart on the wall - they only have one a day.  I am extremely lucky and blessed when, by means of extreme nagging, I actually get them to do their chore.  Most of the time - I must confess - I don't bother with the nagging and I just do it myself.  Call me a bad parent.  Tell me to stop whining if I'm not going to make them do what they are supposed to do to help me.  It's ok, that's what people in the "real" world are saying.

Why, oh WHY, are they so uptight?  The drunk ex is gone although he's still moving his stuff out of the garage.  I always come home sometime between 5 and 7.  I ALWAYS cook dinner and keep the dishes up.  I always answer them when they ask me a question, although, granted, there have been times I have answered and don't remember doing so because I was asleep.  But still they are as stressed as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs during a rock-a-thon.  SIGH.  Maybe it will get better soon.  

(and yes, I do take them to counseling)

I am lonely.  In a fit of idiocy, I have looked on Craigslist once (ok, maybe twice).  They all want skinny ("fit") young chicks and 98% of them that are posting and are my age....are short.  -er than me...Not that I am superficial, but most of them ARE.  So I'm just leaving that alone.  God will just have to plop someone in my lap if He wants me to have a relationship.  Because I am just so done with the games.

The world has an alarming shortage of synthetic B12 injectable solution.  I need some.  If I don't have B12 shots once a month, I am mean, tired, I can't think and my mouth feels like it's on fire all the time.  And it gets progressively worse.  And worse.  I have been ordering it at my pharmacy with a prescription - this last order has been on back order for TWO months.  When they have to haul me away with pernicious-anemia-induced psychosis, my kids are going to need someone to take care of them.  Just sayin'...

Because I work, clean, cook, manage children with anxiety, mental illness, ADHD, PTSD, OCD and depression...and sometimes sleep...I tend to not give a crap what I look like.  If it wasn't for my job, I would probably just live in sweat pants.  

Fish die...alot.  #4 just spent a fair chunk of change on fish a month ago for her birthday and...well, pretty much all dead.  

I am tired of fleas!  and sugar ants!  and mold.  Yet no money or energy to fight them.  Where do you a put a  30 gal fish tank and a crested gecko if you are going to set off a flea bomb?  and you work full time.  And you have a mentally-ill child who stays home alone...all day....every day...

And I am tired of my estranged husband posting pictures of his new girlfriend's honey-do projects on his Facebook page.  Yet I am too morbidly curious to block him.  

Yah, I'm a mess.  But a philosophical mess.  It'll get better...in time.  Thanks for letting me vent.

Then again, I guess it is my blog, huh?  

Apparently, I haven't learned...

So, just in case I haven't mentioned it before, I'm a gastric bypass patient.  In July of 2005, I had a Roux-en-Y procedure done.  I weighed 430 lbs on the day of surgery.  Now I'm about 250.  It fluctuates...I've gotten back up as high as 335 but exercise and stress change my weight so easily now.
I am so very glad I don't weigh as much as I did...
and I am so blessed to know the joys of, once again, riding a bicycle, crossing my legs and buying jeans.
There are a few lingering side effects, however.
Chronic anemia, malnutrition, sagging skin...
The biggest challenge for me is Pernicious Anemia (aka B12 deficient anemia).
I went to my family doctor and told him I thought I was going insane.  I was angry all the time; super angry...unreasonably angry.  The fatigue was crippling; I worked and slept.
And you know how your tongue feels when you drink cocoa or coffee that's too hot? Yah, my mouth felt like that all the time.
From WebMD

Symptoms of Vitamin B12 Deficiency

A deficiency of vitamin B12 can lead to vitamin B12 deficiency anemia. A mild deficiency may cause only mild, if any, symptoms. But as the anemia worsens it may causes symptoms such as:

• weakness, tiredness or light-headedness  
• rapid heartbeat and breathing
• pale skin
• sore tongue
• easy bruising or bleeding, including bleeding gums
• stomach upset and weight loss
• diarrhea or constipation

If the deficiency is not corrected, it can damage the nerve cells. If this happens, vitamin B12 deficiency effects may include:

• tingling or numbness in fingers and toes
• difficulty walking
• mood changes or depression
• memory loss, disorientation, and dementia.

Yep...that pretty much describes me!  Now I have to get a shot every 30 days.  In fact, a normal dose didn't cut it.  I'm special...I get a double. When I tell people I am low on B12, they advise drops, vitamins, supplements.  They don't realize that I cannot absorb it.  The part of my body that performs that function has been disconnected.

The challenge lies in the fact that I keep FORGETTING to get the shot (maybe that memory loss, disorientation, dementia thing listed at the end).  I'm 3 weeks overdue at this point and am really hating the way I feel.  

That being said, I did have major abdominal surgery three weeks ago, so I was a little stressed over that and am still healing. But the entire mess has humbled me.  

I have control issues.  I don't like having to ask for help.  I don't like waiting for other people to do things....when I could just do it NOW.  

I just don't like it!

But then I think of all the times that God has waited on me and all the times that I have frustrated Him beyond comprehension by just "doing it myself"; not waiting on Him or waiting on His plan for my life.  Jumping in with both feet has gotten me into so many tough times and hurt my children's hearts in the process.  

So I just look at myself - having once again to live through this "life lesson" and think...

"will I ever learn?"

Safe Haven

I guess I will never understand why and HOW THIS can happen.

If you can't handle it...you always ALWAYS have the option to WALK AWAY.
or RUN. Very fast.

As much as I joke about having my Mommy License taken away, there are some people who should have theirs permanently revoked.

Unfortunately we never know who that is until it's too late.

There is a handy, dandy thing in Oregon called a Safe Haven law. You can leave your child at any health care facility, law enforcement office or fire department without fear of prosecution for abandonment.

I am a licensed EMS provider. You can abandon it with ME as well!
I'll MEET you! Anytime, public place...and I take that little pest off your hands.
Just email me at babykatcher at hotmail dot com.

PLEASE Please PLEASE don't Hurt or Kill It. It didn't do anything wrong.

Let it snow, let it snow.... NOT!

I think that I really, really, really REALLY don't like snow...

and subzero temperatures...

and vehicles with rear-wheel drive in the above mentioned conditions.

The snow came down on Sunday. Not much of it, but in Oregon it doesn't take alot of it to totally bring the world to a screeching halt.
Went outside and stood on the porch. Total and complete quiet.
No cars. No neighbors voices. No highway noise. Nothing...
I could hear frogs breathing in the next county.

If they weren't frozen that is.

I got to go on the rescue twice yesterday and once today. Calls weren't major, but the folks needed help. And I'm starting to learn where things are in the jump kit. Even started the O2 by myself with a nonrebreather mask.
Talked about it in class...acted it out. But never actually DONE it.

Don't be scared. You don't live near me.

The first few times the tones went off, my house instantaneously became a Chinese Firedrill. (My apologies if you are chinese). The kids start running in circles, the dog is barking and running trying not to get stepped on. The cats are running for the nearest high spot. I am trying to get around the ironing board, grab my medic jacket and my pager and my cell phone, get my shoes on and get out the door.

Ummmm...YAH! Not so much.

So after the second time, I called them all together and said "Alright, guys. When you hear the tones go off, FREEZE. Whereever you are...DON'T move. That way I can dodge around you. When you hear me holler 'see ya soon' and close the front door, THEN you can move."
They are starting to get the hang of it.
And I'm realizing that I need to have step in shoes.
And I need to wear socks ALL the time...or at least have some handy to get into fast.
And that I can grab the pager and listen to the call details as I am running down the porch instead of waiting.
And that the street about one block away is SLICKER THAN SNOT!
I just about lost it earlier today. Started fishtailing and appraising the ditches to see which one was the shallowest. But got it straightened out ...
and SLOWED my HINEY down.

My family Christmas Celebration this Saturday has been cancelled.
Which is good, cuz it was a BIG HUGE source of stress for me.

However, I have to make certain pickup sites in the next few days in order to have a Christmas for my kids. Still on the charity list. Someday, I won't be. Someday, I won't have to go stand in line at the Salvation Army to have gifts for my kids. Someday, I won't have to look in my Assistant Fire Chief's eyes and say I can't come help wrap the charity gifts at the station because some of them are for MY kids. Someday, I will be able to give presents to others again like I used to.
Someday...

I did scrape up money for a tree, though. And it's a good one.
Can't remember if I told you already or not. But it's one of the benefits of living in Oregon where we GROW the trees. Got a nice seven footer for fifteen bucks.

But I won't be able to visit Loverboy like I wanted to.
And I won't go to my parents. It's a matter of principals.
And everyone else has their own things to do.
So unless God intervenes and has other plans, it'll just be me and the kiddos for the holidays.

That's ok. We'll have our Birthday party for Jesus. The girls want to make Him a Teddy Bear cake this year. With sprinkles.
And we have candles.
And we'll sing to Him... and remember that this party is HIS gig, not ours.

Gonna sneak out in the morning and try to make it to town. I'm out of Laundry soap and dishwasher soap. Mainly because i was using the laundry soap in the dishwasher.
So we have fluffy soft dishes that smell Mountain Fresh.

Turn in my mommy license again.

School was cancelled for Monday and Tuesday here. And Tuesday was supposed to be the kids' last day before holiday break.
SOOOOOOOO, I've got four kids home in a house in freezing cold weather with Christmas Anticipation and Cabin Fever. Till January fifth.

I'll just hand in that Mommy License RIGHT now. Don't bother giving it back till AFTER the holidays, thank you very much. :D

And you think I'm being funny...

bed time!

"The check is in the mail..." test update

My blood sugar check, that is.
I called the doctors' office this afternoon because I JUST COULDN'T WAIT ANYMORE! You know how it is.
I just couldn't stand it. I was wiggin' out.

Really leaving it in God's Hands, aren't I? What a rotten child of His am I!! I praise Him every day that He loves me anyway.

And the nurse says..."Well, what the doctor does is MAIL you the results when he gets them ALL back."

Uuuuuuh...
I wanted to say "Well, those test results don't USUALLY tell me whether or not I have diabetes!"

Then it occurred to me, if THEY weren't that concerned about the results...I guess I shouldn't be either. After all, what's the worst that could happen? I could have to take medication (oh no) or watch what I eat! (Oh MY, heaven forbid!) :D

I'll keep you posted...No pun intended...on when I get my letter of doom.
It's ok...I'm being silly now. :D Thank you all SO much for your bloggy-love and prayers!! It is appreciated more than you know.

Just wanna Shake 'em!

Hi, Friends.
I was just over at To Reflect His Glory checking in with Karla and her latest post really struck a chord with me.
http://reflecthisglory.blogspot.com/2006/11/okay-so-now-im-ticked.html

My dear Mommy has a challenge as well...but kind of in a different vein. It's been going on for so many years it's hard to know where to start. And I don't want to make her uncomfortable by writing too much about her. But if anyone who reads what I write would have an idea that could help her...Even if you would simply add her to your prayer list, I would appreciate it.

She has had headaches for about 6 years now.
Discovered a "misshappen" ventricle surrounding one half of her brain. Hydrocephalus. Shunt placed. Some relief...not much.
So she had it revised. Within 30 days, she was unable to get out of bed. Horrible pain. The "doctor" (and I use the term loosely) told me it was because she was FAT! Needless to say, I have copies of all her records from his office in case I want to get rich some day.

ANYWAY, the revision is infected. 30 days in an ICU plus more in the hospital. Switched the shunt again. Still hurts! Some days worse than others.

Gastric bypass operation. Lost about 200 lb.s. So she's not fat anymore...and her head STILL hurts. I'd LOVE to go find that "doctor" and give him a piece of my mind. If I had any to spare...that is. :D
Still headaches. Tons of medications. CT's. MRI's. Psych evals (Oh, Mrs. L. You're imagining the pain!)

It's shunt-related.
No, it's not.
It's a pinched nerve in your neck.
No, it's not.

They have even called my sweet mother a DRUG SEEKER, for Pete's SAKE! Several times!

My mommy has PAIN. EVERY DAY!! Sometimes I get frantic. I know I should trust God to handle it. That He has a plan.

But I want to scream and shake the doctors "PLEASE DO SOMETHING!! Make it stop!" Why don't they keep trying? We don't know where to turn; what test to ask for.

Because when her headaches are bad, she can't stand to have my kids around because of the noise. The drugs they give her make her short-tempered. She blurts things out that hurt people's feelings and then she is SO sorry later on that she cries.
Some days, she is so depressed. Just doesn't want to go on because every day is just more pain. Her faith in Christ and His perfect will is the only thing that has brought her this far.

She has just given up; accepted her reality that she will always have a headache. Some days are worse than others. She had to miss my cousin's wedding last month because it was a "Bad" day.
I just don't understand WHY she has to live like this.

Chronic pain is undescribable.
Please keep her in your prayers.

I want my Mom back; She wants her life back.

How do you prove it?

I've had a little trouble today.
Mainly with controlling my temper. I'm JUST A LITTLE frustrated. *slight facial tic here*

When someone tells a lie about you, how do you PROVE you didn't say/do what they are accusing you of? It's just your word against theirs. And your friends and loved ones don't know who to believe.

LET me tell you WHAT...some VERY un-Christian thoughts have been running through my head the last couple of hours.

Maybe I'm just too hot-headed, but I wanna go kick her butt!

That's not right, is it?

Rats! I JUST KNEW you were going to say that. So I can't go kick her butt?

Serious?

So what do I do?

Option A) Fight, argue back, try to persuade the onlookers that I am the one to be believed.
Option B) Back off and allow Christ to work it out.
Option C) Combination of the two - State my case, then back off.

I chose "C". I must admit...I got my panties in a major wad. Said some things I probably shouldn't have. Although I didn't call names. So I was proud of myself over that.

It's just so FRUSTRATING. Aaarrgh!

Some little phrases come to mind... like

"Some people are like slinkies. They're not much good for anything, but they do make you smile when you push them down the stairs."

OK, that one was mean...kind of!

OR
"Stress = when the brain is trying desperately to override the body's desire to choke the life out of someone who desperately NEEDS it."

Ummm, Yah. OK. That one was DEFINITELY mean!

I have STRESS! LOL

Traffic really CHAPS my hide!

Went to the doctor with MG today. One rule I live by is that NO ONE I love should EVER have to go to the doctor or hospital alone.

Mainly because I've had to several times...and pardon my language, but it SUCKS! Especially with small children in tow.
And it's hard to escape from the nurses who insist that you MUST NOT drive yourself home after major abdominal surgery.

Anyway, doctor's office is an hour away. Radio announcer says "ooooo, traffic is REALLY bad!" OK...that was the UNDERSTATEMENT of the century!

Took us two hours ten minutes to get there...and we didn't even hit the major highways where the problems were! I really DON'T like being late!

Let me tell you, by the time we got there, I looked like a tweaker! My foot was tapping, my knee was twitching, I was chewing my fingernails off one hand while drumming the others on the side of the car. My Guy was looking at me out of the corner of his eye like he was afraid I was going to explode and he might get hit with forcefully flying Janean parts.

I don't know if I have PMS; I could have just been tired; maybe because we were LATE (did I mention I ABHOR being late!) or because I was MAJORLY jonesin' for a cigarette (it's been TWO WEEKS now, thank you very much) but I just wanted to roll down the window and scream...

"GET OUT OF THE BLOODY WAY, YA'LL!!"

As MG pointed out so tactfully right before I attempted to choke him, that wouldn't have done one bit of good.

But I bet I would have felt better. ** BIG GRIN**