Recap

2014 was quite the year.

• I got a new tattoo - Faith, Hope, Love
  
• I got a new "daughter" - Son got engaged to a wonderful girl with a heart of gold.
  
• I loved and lost and pretty much gave up on having a partner in this life.  Filed for divorce after one year of being married to someone for convenience, fell in love with someone after that and he chose someone else, then decided I will not be trying anymore. I don't think anyone will ever be able to handle my life with three special needs kids.
• Made the toughest decision of my life to give up one of my precious jewels to be cared for by someone else because I could not keep her safe.  I have no idea how I will change my situation enough to get her back but I pray every day that God will miraculously work it out.
• Stopped going to church because I found I was serving to keep the "pastor" from getting angry rather than serving God.  I miss my church family and missing that connection with other believers but have not been able to bring myself to begin the search.
• Worked for the same company for the entire year.  So many adventures and new opportunities.  Got to drive a silage truck in a corn field and learned how to dump it.  Almost wrecked it a couple times (in the same day) but managed to hold it together.  
  
• Lost another 50 pounds (+ or -, wasn't really keeping track).
• Lost my driver's license - uninsured accident - only another month till I get it back.  So have been riding the bus, begging rides from others and learning a very tough, expensive lesson.
• Have survived a year of parenting four teenagers (or almost teenagers) with mental health issues.  ALL FOUR are now on some kind of psych med. #1 = depression, #2 = depression, ADD, ASD and superventricular tachycardia. #3 = depression, suicidal, cutting, Trauma-induced DID, gender dysphoria, SID and ASD. #4 = depression, ASD, SID, anxiety disorder, gender dysphoria, OCD and anorexia.     I love them so much.   This hurts.   Some days I am totally overwhelmed.  But so far, I have made it through.
• Through the challenges, I am blessed to be able to recognize how blessed I am.  I have so many friends who back me up and lift me up and cheer me up.

I really miss writing.  It feels so good to write.  If I had a New Year resolution, it would be to write more.  But the reality is that I probably won't.  With full-time work, full-time caring for kids and sleeping every once in awhile...time is a precious commodity.  Maybe someday this will get easier.  Maybe someday...

Sharing is special

OK, here it is. A picture of my birthday gift to myself.

Yes, it hurt. At one point, I asked him if he was digging for gold back there.
I waited till it healed up to take a photo of it. I think it turned out really nice.

I love my Tattoos!

Tattoos. Some people have them...some people don't. I like mine!
I know some people who have VERY strong opinions AGAINST tattoos. My parents are in that category. As far as I can tell, it's for one of two reasons...

1) They are permanent...never come off. (Ummmm, I think I KNEW that going in).
2) Religious reasons...your body is the temple of God. You can't mark up His property or it's a sin.

Truth be told, my friends, I have three. Each one has a unique story and is special in it's own right.

First one I got was one of my first experiences with pain...not just a little pain. We're talkin' pain that threatens to make you pass out. My second husband and I liked to go do something VERY memorable on each anniversary. I should tell about some of them sometime. That would make you smile. ANYWAY, the tattoo on my chest was for our second anniversary. He got a wizard on his arm. Mine is a bird of paradise on a flowered branch. When I got it, it was about 2 inches long. But since I had kids, got older and lost about 200 lb.s, the bird "stretched" a little. ;P

Second one I got was after I had kids, so I was able to utilize that "childbirth breathing" that doesn't do SQUAT for labor pains but really helped me deal with tattoo pain, for some reason. Same husband as above went out and had an affair. We made up. I forgave even if I couldn't forget. He cut all ties with the "other woman", promised never to do it again. So...I have a heart with flowers and a ribbon on my right "flank" (OK, it's my hiney) that says "Ray's Girl". No, I'm not going to have it removed. It marks a chapter in my life. And No, I'm not sorry.

Third one I got after same above mentioned husband disappeared from my life under EXTREMELY painful circumstances. Never been hurt that badly by anyone in my entire life. But as the song says "I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance". I look at my four little rewards every day and thank God. Anyway, best girlfriend wants to get a tattoo on her shoulder. Wants to know if I will go with. OH HECK, yah!! Don't have to ask me twice.

My theory is that getting a tattoo is like childbirth. It hurts like a thousand porcupines breakdancing on your skin. And you think "HOLY MOLY!! I'm going to faint! I'm going to have to ask them to stop and have half a tattoo outline on my body forever!!" Breathe, Breathe, breathe DEEP! Then you get to the coloring part and it's not so bad. Kinda just irritating and you sit and read the signs on the wall, praying the artist will be done soon.

By the way, the artist who did my last two has a sign prominently displayed that says "YES, it DOES hurt!" Guess she gets asked that alot.

But then you forget...and you start to think "Gee, I'd like to get another tattoo someday." Well, I must be a special kind of stupid or a glutton for punishment, cuz I have two in mind. Soon as I can save up some money that doesn't have to go for bills...guess where I'll be!!

As for the "strong opinions" of others...Well...Opinions are like eyeballs, everybody has at least one (sometimes two!) So as long as I've searched my heart and know that it is O.K. for me, please forgive me if I take the opinions with a grain of salt.

And let me know if you know of a good Tattoo artist in Oregon...I'm looking around!