Some days

Thirty year class reunion is today.

And I'm going.

By myself.

SIGH...

Expecting something from another person is a recipe for disaster.  When will I learn to only depend on myself?  

Some days I wonder why I try to have a relationship.  Specimens of the opposite gender are so difficult to understand sometimes.  Especially when they are my age.  They are so set in their ways.  And they have mastered the art of the "honeymoon"...things go along so well for a couple weeks to a month and then WHAM - reality smacks you upside the head and you must reevaluate the entire situation.  

Can I live with this?

Can my children live with this?

Even if we can live with this, is the drama worth the reward?

And why should I HAVE to settle for this?  Aren't I worth more?

I am an adopted princess - a child of the King of Kings.  I am not perfect, but I am fun, intelligent and serve until I can't take another step.

Unfortunately, some days I am also extremely busy and I have four blessings who rely on me.  Yes, you may not agree with my parenting style, but it's not something I am willing to negotiate on. Some days, I am too exhausted to stay awake.  I try to communicate, but often the words come out wrong.  Some days, I make poor decisions and get myself into difficult predicaments.

So why don't I have patience for others who have "some days", too?  

Why do I long for companionship with another person who, like me, has the heart of a teenager yet is free from addictions? Has peace in their soul and kindness in their heart?

Redundant questions, all, it seems.

Jumping off the bridge is exhilarating - makes you giddy, giggly and that pleasant experience of butterflies in your tummy when you are just beginning the relationship is so wonderful!

But hitting that huge boulder  10 feet under the surface of the river sucks.