Thursday, February 21, 2013

Apparently I haven't learned my lesson

It's amazing to me how God works things for His good.

Just when I start to think I've seen it all, done it all, been hurt by it all...The enemy comes up with something new and painful.  I mean...NEW as in "never even imagined I would ever be in this situation" new and PAINFUL as in "I can't think of many other things in my life that have hurt worse than this".

For instance, when I discovered the man I had a serious relationship with two years ago was an alcoholic, it blew me away.  I have never had to deal with alcoholic.  I've never had to watch another's pain like that and have to decide "is this what I want for the rest of my life?".  And I learned and grew and moved on.

The last two weeks, I am learning about mental illness as my beloved child and I sit in an emergency room for the fifth day (yes, F-I-V-E, 5) waiting for an adolescent acute psych bed to become available.
How do we go from talented 12-year old girl who dresses in oversized male clothing to 13-year old still-talented girl who wears tight clothes and can't live two seconds without her boyfriend?

Unfortunately, along with the Aspergers, bulimia, cutting, boyfriend-addictive behavior and sensory issues have blossomed into hallucinations...yah, creatures, snakes, spiders and foxes so real she can touch them and feel them touching her.  One type of the humanoid creatures (there are two, btw.  I am getting to know them fairly intimately after staying in a small ER room with her and them for five days) has been telling her to kill herself.

We are here because I caught her standing in the middle of a busy street...and she doesn't remember being there.  And we need these humanoid creatures to shut up.  And I need to make sure my babygirl is safe.

So I, myself, resemble insanity...talking to creatures who aren't there.  It can sometimes be humorous, but more often than not is terrifying for her.

She wants out of here.  I want out of here.  Please, Dear God, have mercy on us. I could have gone my entire lifetime without this "life experience".

1 comment:

Yvonne said...

Hi there. I just read your story and I hope that since then things are going better. I will definitely pray for you and your family. Continue to stay strong. Many blessings.

"God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it" (1 Corinthians 10:13)