One of the exercises in the Creative NonFiction textbook that I thought I would try out is called "On...". You choose a feeling...not a noun. There were actually two times in the first few chapters that he recommended it; the first as a positive feeling and the second an "anti - " feeling.
Well, of course, I'm all about "negative". Just ask my ex husband.
OK, that was supposed to be a joke.
Anyway, I guess you could actually entitle this one two different ways; both negative and positive.
On Self-Doubt and On Potential
depends on whether you are a "glass-half-full" person or a "glass-half-empty" person.
Went to hang out for a shift at a nearby fire station. Normally it would be called a "ride-along" but we didn't actually have any calls. The entire twelve hour shift.
SO the only ride I went on was to one of the firefighters' homes - he was moving and needed help lifting something heavy.
After we did a couple of hours of Code practice with the paramedic on duty, (who was, by the way, one of the cooler people I have EVER met) I stepped out behind the fire station for some fresh air. It backs up to the railroad tracks - Literally!
Twenty FEET from the railroad tracks.
As I sat in the sun listening to the small town noises, I started to look around and my eyes fell on the lower floor of a grain elevator.
Posted "NO TRESPASSING" signs, a door partially open. Metal siding rusty in spots and flapping in the wind in other spots. Long oxidized patched rail-car-loading tubes suspended over the tracks in two different directions. I wonder if it is abandoned.
And the answer comes when my gaze follows the tower upward. Windows broken out leave the upper floor exposed to the elements...That would be MY definition of "abandoned".
It doesn't' really look that bad if you keep your sights set low. But it is in raising your expectations that the building shows it's true colors.
AND of course, that got me to thinking.
I passed my EMT Intermediate final a few days ago. YES - I passed!! Yet because I have little to no experience with patient transport (I only respond with a rescue, we "package" and pass the patient to Big City Ambulance) if the expectations are raised...I will be like that old grain elevator. BIG GAPS in my capabilities. Book larnin' but no street smarts. How am I going to fill those gaps? Only time will tell.
So I'm afraid. But it's an exhilarating kind of fear - not a debilitating fear. I simply need to fill in those broken windows, nail down the flapping pieces of siding and tighten up the corners. That done, I could turn in to a halfway serviceable Medic. Even if I am not serviceable as a "grain Elevator", maybe I can become a great "apartment house" or "night club". As long as I can support my children without public assistance and make a difference in my little corner of the world, I'm good.
Oh...and, of course, not hurt anybody. That would be a good thing.