Sunday, March 15, 2009


Dear friends...and whomever else stops by here.

I need help. I can't make a decision to save my life.
I have to decide where the rest of my life is going.
So many paths to choose, so little time.

Midwifery...I love it! awesome blessing and a fun way to make a living. Will probably take me another year...if not more. No health insurance, need to manage my own business. Most midwives I talk to say it is a "calling" for them; something they just KNEW they were born to do, more or less.
But it isn't that way for me. I enjoy it, yes. I think I could do a good job. But "called?" Not so much. Is a calling necessary? Am I missing out on an essential piece of the picture? I don't know.

Paramedics...Have two more months to go toward my EMT-Intermediate certification. I will be able to start IV's, push meds, evaluate a four-lead ekg and make a differential diagnosis. I enjoy it, yes. I think I could do a good job. But I don't have the "burning desire" to make this happen. And I would probably need to move in order to find a job in this field. My small town is volunteer only. **SIGH** However, over where Loverboy lives? I'd be the closest thing to a doctor for about 200 miles. Is THAT what I am supposed to do? Serve those communities that NEED me? Can I handle that much responsibility? I don't know.

Police dispatch...Got a wild hair and sent in my app to the State Police. Back in the mid-90's I did a limited duration stint as a SP dispatcher and call taker. I was pretty good at it, but I had an attitude then that wouldn't quit. Can I do this job again? I enjoyed it, yes. I think I could do a good job. Decent money, health insurance, union representation (which may or may not be a good thing), making a difference, supporting my kiddos. LOOOOONG hours (they are open 24/7 365 and being the newby, I will probably have to work all holidays and get stuck with a graveyard shift). Will I be able to do this job AND do the best for my children? I don't know.

Continuing my education...I can do this regardless. But probably wouldn't if I started working for SP. Not enough time in the day. Is having a college degree worth it to me? Will I be disappointing those who have invested so many prayers and so much confidence in me? Will I be able to get a better job if I hang in for awhile? Or should I take what I can get if I am actually OFFERED the SP dispatch position? I don't know.

I am tired. I can't make these decisions right now. And I won't be FORCED to decide until after the interviews and the testing required for the Dispatch position. IF they want me.

And where do my kids and my LB fit into all of this?



Connie said...

My two cents - go for the job. 911/police dispatch is a good job, with great benefits. Where I work, one of the perks is full tuition reimbursement. I understand the not enough time in the day thing, but your kids won't be little forever and you can always go back to school, for whatever you want. You truly do become part of the family when you work for the police, and there's a whole support system there that you didn't have before. I think the biggest reason to take the job is that being able to proved for your family will really boost your self esteem and outlook on life. For me, getting that job was one of the most important factors in our recovery from the crap that man caused in our lives. Boyfriends are nice, but chances are your kids, especially your girls, would really benefit from seeing you be able to hold it together on your own. If you end up being a paramedic, you will have the same thing with the shifts, only a lot of them work 24 hour shifts. Would you be able to leave the kids for 24 hours at a time? I think if you don't feel called to be a midwife, you probably shouldn't. Well, you asked for opinions, so this is mine, do with it what you wish! Praying for you and love you!!

Kathy said...

No easy answers here. Praying that God will open or close doors to you and make it clear what His will is.

Heather said...

Praying for wisdom.