Dear friends...and whomever else stops by here.
I need help. I can't make a decision to save my life.
I have to decide where the rest of my life is going.
So many paths to choose, so little time.
Midwifery...I love it! awesome blessing and a fun way to make a living. Will probably take me another year...if not more. No health insurance, need to manage my own business. Most midwives I talk to say it is a "calling" for them; something they just KNEW they were born to do, more or less.
But it isn't that way for me. I enjoy it, yes. I think I could do a good job. But "called?" Not so much. Is a calling necessary? Am I missing out on an essential piece of the picture? I don't know.
Paramedics...Have two more months to go toward my EMT-Intermediate certification. I will be able to start IV's, push meds, evaluate a four-lead ekg and make a differential diagnosis. I enjoy it, yes. I think I could do a good job. But I don't have the "burning desire" to make this happen. And I would probably need to move in order to find a job in this field. My small town is volunteer only. **SIGH** However, over where Loverboy lives? I'd be the closest thing to a doctor for about 200 miles. Is THAT what I am supposed to do? Serve those communities that NEED me? Can I handle that much responsibility? I don't know.
Police dispatch...Got a wild hair and sent in my app to the State Police. Back in the mid-90's I did a limited duration stint as a SP dispatcher and call taker. I was pretty good at it, but I had an attitude then that wouldn't quit. Can I do this job again? I enjoyed it, yes. I think I could do a good job. Decent money, health insurance, union representation (which may or may not be a good thing), making a difference, supporting my kiddos. LOOOOONG hours (they are open 24/7 365 and being the newby, I will probably have to work all holidays and get stuck with a graveyard shift). Will I be able to do this job AND do the best for my children? I don't know.
Continuing my education...I can do this regardless. But probably wouldn't if I started working for SP. Not enough time in the day. Is having a college degree worth it to me? Will I be disappointing those who have invested so many prayers and so much confidence in me? Will I be able to get a better job if I hang in for awhile? Or should I take what I can get if I am actually OFFERED the SP dispatch position? I don't know.
I am tired. I can't make these decisions right now. And I won't be FORCED to decide until after the interviews and the testing required for the Dispatch position. IF they want me.
And where do my kids and my LB fit into all of this?