Thursday, December 13, 2007

Is it just me?

Is it just me or does he look uncomfortable? Yet, he's asleep! weird cat.
Got the results of my mammogram. In case I haven't shared about that, here's the lowdown. Had a lump out in 1998 when I was pregnant with #3. The doctor "didn't want to wait", yet they insisted it was benign.
So, it dawned on me about a month ago that I hadn't had a mammogram in awhile.
Specifically.....ummmmm, since 1998.
I know. Put your eyebrows down.
Anyway, so I've been worrying about it. Cuz like 1 in 6 women my age get breast cancer. My maternal grandmother had it. My sister has polycystic disease. And one of my aunts had cervical cancer.
So you can understand why I've been stressing JUST A LITTLE.
I call my doctor yesterday cuz I just couldn't stand the waiting one more minute, you know. And the nurse says "let me talk to the doctor so I can see how much I can tell you." RED FLAG!
She called me back saying "well, he says everything is normal. BUT....
you have a cluster of calcifications on the right that bear watching. We are sure they are benign, but make sure you get your mammo next year at this same time".
Why does that not make me feel better? Is it just me?
I am having an issue with being "carless". MG has been sweet enough to let me use his little Toyota. Take him to work and whip home in time to pick the girls up at school. Then go pick him up at 8:30pm. When I would REALLY rather be in bed.
BUT being trapped home alone with four kids and NO CAR just scares the hoohah out of me. I don't know why...Maybe MG is right and I just have "control issues". Maybe I have "what if..." disease; you know "what if this happens or what if that happens?" Maybe it makes me feel trapped and helpless.
I keep thinking there are thousands of women all over the world in the same situation I'm in. And they are JUST FINE. Is it just me?
My girls are growing out of their pants all of a sudden. Ummm, Width wise, shall we say. So we've started doing 20 sit ups, 20 jumping jacks and 20 wall pushups every night. The first night was pretty sad. The 5-yr-old couldn't do ONE sit up. The 8- and 9- year olds made 20, but Juuuussst barely. And all I can say is it's a very good thing the pushups are against the wall!
Once again, I feel like I'm failing my kids. Of course, I have been extremely hormonal this week. Maybe it's just me...

1 comment:

Rebekah said...

I hate the 'not knowing' part of medical issues. And I totally understand the 'failing as a mother' feeling. The two younger kids take a lot of my attention and I hate feeling like the older kids are being neglected.
Praying is what gets me through.