I have ISSUES

I have issues. Yes, I do...

**Disclaimer - I've always wanted to be one of those sweet bloggers who writes only uplifting, creative, happy stuff.
Unfortunately, this is a step in the OTHER direction.

Why, oh WHY, am I awake at 4am? Because my Almost-14 year old woke me up to tell me he was hungry. In my half asleep state, I mumbled "So go eat some leftover pizza". So he does...
Heating it up in the microwave and turning on the TV and waking up his sister.
Shall I strangle him now or later?

Half of me says "He was hungry, it's ok." The other part of me (you know, the part that likes to SLEEP) says "WHOOOOA Nelly! This ain't happinin ever again!" So I guess we'll have to have a talk. The boy is 6 ft tall and weighs 260 lbs already. He can survive on his reserves until 6am. I don't know...am I wrong?

A good mother would get up and make him something, right?

Next subject -
Went to #2's parent teacher conference. Felt like a total failure by the time I left.
"She needs to know these simple addition and subtraction problems by sight. You HAVE to work with her. Get some flash cards!" OK, got flashcards, DON'T have TIME.
"I hope she's reading at home". Not unless it's the TV guide or the directions on how to play a computer game.
"Her absences are hurting her academically." WHAT? She's been absent 4 days this quarter!
"She has such a hard time writing an essay. She can't seem to think of ideas and was crying the other day in class because she only had two sentences written and couldn't think of anything else." Hmmmm, thanks for that guilt trip. Is it possible this is because she can't pay attention to one task for longer than two point four seconds?

The poor child already does homework for about 45 minutes every night. Granted, it is an assignment that should take her about 10 minutes and she just stretches it out that long by fidgeting, whining, complaining and fussing. But how much is too much...and how much is enough?

NEXT SUBJECT...
Yesterday was the biggest exercise in patience I have experienced in quite a LOoooong Time. I don't remember praying for patience, but apparently someone thought I needed it anyway.
Left the house early. Dropped the kids off early.
Ended up WAITING at DHS for one piece of paper for FORTY minutes.
Rush to the gas station that will accept that little gas voucher I'd been waiting for...only to get trapped by a TRAIN for fifteen minutes.
NOW, I'm really running late. And I detest being late.

So, of course, I have to get behind a huge line of cars and trucks following some rig that can not go ABOVE 50...for THIRTY miles!
Ended up being an hour late for prenatal clinic. Thank heaven the first appointment cancelled.

Heading home...missing my kids. On prenatal days, I only get to see them for one hour before I have to go to class. It's only one day a week.

Car accident. Blocking the intersection where I need to turn and backing up traffic for like 5 miles. Flush another 20 minutes.
Stop to pick up take and bake pizza for dinner. Only one other lady in the shop. Ahead of me, of course. Who wants a stuffed pizza with half red sauce and half white sauce on the bottom AND the top and wants a House specialty EXCEPT she'd like to substitute olives for the onions, extra cheese for part of the mushrooms, chicken for the sausage....and on and on and on.
By the time I picked up the girls, I got to see my kids for all of 10 minutes. #4 cried because I had to leave again. Couldn't miss class - I had a test. AARGH!

Turn in my Mommy license. I keep telling myself it is for a good cause...our future! Or is it to chase my dreams? Which would make me selfish. Which makes me feel guilty and spend some sleepless nights re-examine my motives.
Is this all worth it?
Is the missing them worth the benefit at the end of the rainbow?
I can't be a welfare mom forever - if not now, when?

Hard questions, I know.

OK, almost done. Last subject...GOOD THING!
Came home last night starving. Hadn't had time to eat.
MG brought me Taco Bell! Steak Quesadilla - My FAV!
And flowers!
AND a card! Muuuushy one, too.

I cried.