Yesterday

**warning...NO humor whatsoever - boring, melancholy post to follow**

I went to see my mom and Dad yesterday.

Haven't seen them since last June and that is weird for me because we are very close. Then when my Mom fell last week and busted her face, it made me want to get there even more. But things just haven't worked out. She had a doctors' appointment and didn't feel well enough to have the kids.

But yesterday it worked out.

She came out on the porch as we drove up and I found it hard not to stare.
I got out and held it together till the kids had all said hello and stampeded into the house. Then I wrapped my arms around her and bawled.
2 inch hematoma under one eye that has infiltrated down to her neck. The sclera (white) of that same eye is blood red. Basically, the entire left half of her face is purple, green and red. And her left leg is noticeably swollen.
Actually, she looks like someone beat her up.

And it broke my heart.
She made us cookies. I did lunch and dinner, did the dishes, swept the kitchen floor, vacuumed the entry and the spare bathroom, cleaned the jacuzzi tub and helped her study for her Sunday School class.
My dad took MG and the kids to the beach and then took the kids on a short walk...cuz he wanted to catch the Oregon State Football game.

While MG and the kids were gone, Mom and I got to visit. She has quit some of her antiseizure meds that have effected her memory...but it hasn't helped. She still can't remember common names for things. It is hard to watch her struggle over simple words.

And as we sat down with coffee to visit, she said that she asked Dad to take MG away...that it was his "gift" to her, because she just wanted to spend time with me. She expresses to me that she wishes he would just "go away" and that she doesn't want me to be in a relationship with him.

Yet she visits with him later, thick as thieves, and even gives him a gift.

I don't understand.

My sister showed up as we were leaving. The dramatics of her life just defy description. She and her daughter were both upset over different things, crying and stressed out. I was glad I was leaving.
I love her, really I do. I just can't deal sometimes.

I cried for the first ten miles home. I don't know why. It was dark and no one could tell. Kids fell asleep. MG was torqued out of shape about something.

But I still think it was a good trip. Maybe not fun. But good.
When I hurt and need to center myself, being in my hometown always helps. Whenever I run away, that's where I go. So maybe it was just the environment. And maybe I felt good that I could make my mom's day a little easier.

I'll just try to let the other stuff roll off.

Thanks for letting me vent and work out my feelings. I feel better now.