Haven't been this low in a long time

Maybe I've got PMS.
Maybe I'm under attack.
Maybe I'm tired.
Maybe I'm depressed.

Today was one of the worst days I've experienced since Ray was arrested. Felt useless, good for nothing. Like nobody needed me. Hopeless. I just keep messing up so what's the point?

My head knows that my kids need me and love me. My head knows that the way I was feeling was bogus.

But I couldn't seem to communicate that to the rest of my body. My heart was heavy. I wandered around in a daze. Made some soup. Took a nap.

The kids were wonderful. Had a couple of little spats, but nothing major. Just played happily with their gifts.

I was in laying on my bed just staring into space and #4 came in chattering away. She was wearing her new sweater with the hot-pink faux leopard collar and sporting a purple Dora hat and matching mittens.
I looked at her sweet little face, "Mommy really needs a hug."
She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed tight.
Then she backs up some, puts her hands on her hips and says, "You know what that was, don't you? That was a CHRISTMAS hug!"

I couldn't answer...my eyes were overflowing.

Christmas hug, indeed.

Just what Mommy needed.

Mommy needs prayers as well, if you don't mind.