Saturday, September 09, 2006

I know how they feel

OK, I understand these are animals and, as such, probably don't have "feelings" about the fact that it has taken them SEVEN years to produce offspring. But when I read the story, it brought back alot of emotions. Here it is, in part. If you would like to read the full version, it was on the Yahoo front page.

By DORIE TURNER, Associated Press Writer Thu Sep 7, 4:15 PM ET
ATLANTA - After seven years of trying and hoping, Zoo Atlanta officials announced a rare giant panda birth Wednesday, one of only a few in the United States. Lun Lun, a 9-year-old giant panda, gave birth just before 5 p.m. after 35 hours of labor. It's the first panda cub born at the Atlanta zoo and is just the fifth giant panda born at a U.S. zoo in the last six years.

Wow. The memories!
My first husband had a child already...didn't really want anymore. Fine with fact, in retrospect I'm REALLY glad I did not have kids with that man.
Thought second husband would make a great father! Always wanted kids. So we're gonna give this "parent adventure" a whirl. Read EVERYTHING I can get my hands on...I'm ready. So we wait...and wait...and wait. Every Mother's Day got worse. I'd sit and cry. Why? I'd make a good Mom. Why isn't this working? Three years into it, we decide to do the testing route.
Of course, we start with him. Simplest, easiest test. In fact, the hardest part was holding off for three days. Anyway, everything is fine with him. So it must be me...
First test we try on ME has a name about 40 feet long. Apparently, they don't do them very often, because I had spectators. And they warn me...gonna be painful! Could get an infection; take these pills. Whoopee! Sounds like real thrillsville!
Now if you've ever been naked from the waist down with your hiney elevated, one doctor injecting dye (and HOLDING it in), one radiologist taking pictures, one assistant developing pictures and four students watching (not to mention your mother in the room)....well, you pretty much lose any modesty you might have had going in.
But HEY, the test itself serves to "open things up". And we're pregnant three months later. Life is great!
For about a week...when I start bleeding. Just a little...every day. Hormone levels not high enough to sustain the pregnancy. Grief! Schedule an ultrasound to double check...
WELL HELLO! Heart beating. Moving around. Looks like a little lima bean! And he's fine in there. Still spotting...everyday. No one knows why. But we make it through...Big, gorgeous baby boy. I'm happy!
Had to wait another 4 years for #2. Big emergency. Traumatic thing. Crash c-section. Doctor says "too much scar tissue. Be happy you have these two. Probably won't get pregnant again. Big mess in there".
THREE MONTHS LATER - Uh oh! Guess which doctor I DID NOT go to for my prenatal care. #3 was born 366 days after #2 after 3 hours of labor. Whammmo!
Had to wait anther three years to get #4. Seems once the second baby arrived on the scene, things began working rather nicely. However...

I still remember that "lost" feeling of wanting something so badly and there is nothing you can do to make it happen. The longing to be a mother (or father) is strong once it arrives. And the waiting is a rollercoaster ride...each month uuuUUUUP and CRash. uuuUUUUP and CRash! And the other women, teenage girls who had babies; Stories on the news of abandoned babies, abused babies. Your soul cries out "Give them to me! I want him!" It's not fair...Life is most definately not fair.
It wasn't a LONG wait for me compared to some parents with empty arms who wait forever. Only four years. But it made me understand. And it made my heart sympathetic.
So if you are battling infertility, you are in my prayers. God hears...and He knows. Keep the faith.

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