I read the Psalm for today and realized, "Man! I know JUST how that writer is feeling!" Abandoned and alone. Like the rest of the world is evil and out to get him. Twisting in the wind, so to speak.
Don't get me wrong, friends. I KNOW that God loves me. My HEAD knows that He always loves me. All the time. No matter what. And I know my parents love me. And my aunties love me. Truth be known, I am so very blessed when it comes to friends and family who care about what happens to me.
But there comes a time (or two...or three...or) when the destroyer sneaks in and smashes your life. Someone you trusted for years betrays you and hurts you beyond belief. It annihilates your HEART'S ability to trust. Your HEART starts thinking "Nobody loves me".
And people get tired of hearing about your challenges. They care; of course they care. But your pain drags them down. So out of respect for them, you hold it in. Only your prayers supply an outlet for your hurting heart.
And you start to feel alone. Like no one else on earth shares your burden. Depression and desperation start to suck you in and the Pity Party begins. Deeper and deeper...Woe is me! No one cares! I'm all alone! I'm scared!
It's an awful feeling.
The only way I have found to break out of it is to cry out to Jesus. I don't mean to sound charismatic or super-religious here, but it seriously rescues me. I just speak "Get away from me in the name of Jesus!" And then I will say Jesus' name over and over or repeat the Lord's prayer or recite a favorite verse to fill my mind with the presence of God.
Now, I've never had any training in this stuff. I was raised a staunch independent Baptist. It shocked everyone if you said "Amen" during a service. There was no raising of hands, no clapping or praising. Quiet and orderly was how it was supposed to be and the "other wrong religions" were holy-rollers. That church is slightly different now and don't get me wrong; I received a wonderful Biblical foundation there. What I didn't get was a personal relationship with Jesus and the joy of praise and worship. And I inherited a healthy apprehension for anything "charismatic" or "Pentecostal".
So I am relatively new to "rebuking" and physical expressions of praise. I guess what I'm saying is don't take MY word as law as to form and content. I just know what works for me.
And when I say "JESUS" ~ The peace floods my soul, His name brings a smile to my lips, my mind becomes clear and I am reminded that I am never, never, never truly ALONE.